I want to discuss one very important question here, it`s about others, people around us, our friends, family, and about trust, communication and understanding. These are so current questions, that we need all to think about them.
First of all, I`ll ask you the question, what is trust? If we look from the simplest possible position, of a child , we can say trust is feeling that you can rely on someone, you can share any information with him, without to fail later, you feel secure, calm and well in his presence, and you feel him as honest and open person. You may add more things and situation to this and what qualities trustful person should have, but mostly we forget one thing. When we criticize and evaluate other people in relation of “trust” we often skip to look to ourselves and see inside of ourselves –are we also trustful, and are we too worthy of trust? This is the first question anyone should ask and answer, then he can continue to think about others. Most often, people who find in their actions and behavior things ,which are not “trustful” ,they wont find it also in others around them –no matter if family, friends, colleagues. Trust as many other feelings are like flowers –need daily care and water, then they can flourish. If you are not trustful for yourself, you wont be for others too! You know inside of you the trust about yourself, what you reveal and what you hide. And as nothing is actually hidden, you ll soon suffer the consequences from your choices and emotions.
Then what are the other qualities you need to have, in order to be “trustful person”? We can apply all what we said above: we need to be reliable, sharing, patient and listening when others share with us, keep the privacy of shared information, give sense of security, be honest and open, be loyal, helpful and tolerant. That are the main qualities we need to receive trust, and to be persistent in them, in order not to fail in future “obstacles”. Now make this test for yourself again and ask yourself, am I reliable, sharing, patient, giving security to others to share, keep information private, honest, loyal? If you find even one of these not exactly so, then you should evaluate yourself as “not trustful” person. When you feel that, you can easily understand why others also cant trust you totally and then what you should do in order to change that.
Now my accent in this text is in others, as the title can show well. If your answer about your own trustfulness” is positive, I`m very happy for you, so you can continue to ask and answer other questions. Don’t forget – people relations are like “mirror” many times. When you give one emotion or feeling, you`ll receive soon the same equal emotion or feeling. No one like people who are rude, feel hatred, don’t smile, or show themselves as evil, they ll logically receive the same feelings, rudeness and hatred. The same people who are usually kind, smiling, loving and trustful, will receive the same feelings and traits from others. Here I want to add one important word : generally they receive, but not always! Remember that, and its easy to see it in reality. Sadly not always when you are kind, helpful and trustful, you receive the same “mirror” reaction, but you could receive even opposite reaction of hatred and rudeness. Why is that so? All that is related to my topic, so I want to answer it. In order to answer this in simple way, i`ll start from another point. People on earth are very unique, different, and there are amazing variety of characters, traits and feelings. Even so, the choices they make on which way to go, make them more or less united in 2 basic groups – people of light, and people of darkness. Do not think this division don’t exist, simply because we are taught in school, that people cant be “good or bad”. Yes, they are surprising mixture of many qualities, like unique book, but still the division exists. We can see it well if we use simple mathematics. No one is perfect as he lives on earth, but people are “pure” and “unclean”. Pure is person, who is related more to the purity, and not less than 70% his actions should be related to the good, light, and beautiful traits. So we can consider person with 70% purity, as a pure” or related to the light. And opposite, even very evil people have something good in them (Yin and Yang is not equally divided in the same percent or black and white!), so more than 70% uncleanness (means evil, dark emotions) makes the person to be “unclean”. As we see well, we deal with relative categories, and not with constants, that never change. In this way people are “pure” and “unclean”, related to light more, and related to darkness more. Of course there are people, who would be maybe 50% of the 2, but this is hard to evaluate, as with time flow and change the scale of one things will be heavier than another, then he will be drown to one side or another.
Moreover, I try to say things in simple way.
As we know about that ,we can consider all people with more than 70% of darkness as “evil”, and if you are sensitive enough this is easy to be revealed. No doubt such people are “distrustful” and we should avoid them in all ways. Here the problem is how we can know these people are distrustful and evil before we know them?
The matter is : in our human level, we don’t have ability to read thoughts, or to evaluate others in good way, very often we are blinded by smile, nice looking, on the surface kind and honest behavior, and then often too we are shocked and surprised how this person is different from what he “shows” and reveals for himself. Why is this so? Because of many social misunderstood problems, norms, fake behaviors in society, wearing masks, hiding emotions, lying, intrigues and with one word –humans are very good actors. They play different roles and rarely play themselves. Playing roles has one very bad point: sooner or later you`ll forget who you really are and you wont have your identity, instead your roles will stick to you, and you`ll become like hamelleon.
Exactly that masks wearing, acting and faking personalities, is in the root of the problem of “trust” and reveals many traps on the way in society now. But in the same time we all wear masks, in one or another situation, we are used to it, and it became like nature for us as people. We go in different social roles, so we are “obligated” to have mask. Why? One of the reasons is that we feel very safe and secure when we are “hidden” behind mask, then to reveal our true nature. The “acting” of life showed us in wrong ways, the rule, that if people know your true self, they can easily hurt you, mislead you, harm you, lie to you. So you should be hidden, like this is surviving instinct for you. I have a news for you: this all is not truth! The principle of hiding and mask Is well manipulated from the “majority” of dark people, and majority of people who don’t know which direction to go, they swing always between the two, and are easily fooled (manipulated). The truth is, we invented (who we” I wont discuss here, as of course not all “we”) this comfortable principle of hiding, and the game. We should be actors in life, that is so, but acting our real selves! That requires to be ready to be “judged” and talked about, to be ready for social intrigues and much more, but to be your self. That requires brevity and courage. Be open to yourself, this is the first principle, then its much easier to be open with others.
Again to the point: around us, in family, friends and society we meet many different people, different characters, views, actions. How can we know “who is good for us” and who we can allow in our private world?
1. If we find in people the qualities we are looking for, and they are to some extend equal to us, to our inner values and understanding for the world, so these people we call “friends” and we can allow them to our world. With these people we ll feel released and comfortable to share, and to listen both and wont feel burden or heavy, when they need our advice or help, or in other situations. Generally by 2 criteria we choose these people: 1. by intuition 2. by time approval. Everyone knows that friends are not easy to have and easy to lose. We have natural inner feeling when someone is close to us, mostly when we share common views on life, values and interests. That means we are from the same “color of rainbow” or the same “flour”. Intuition is wonderful way to attract and see real friends, that`s how most children become friends. We have to be like them again, and let our feelings guide us better. Many times our children or school friends remain, while later friends just disappear.
II. Not everyone has strong intuition for others, even very little people do, so we should observe the second way. That of time approval; only the flow of time, events and actions from the side of our friend, can reveal totally his real nature, his attitude and all of him. Even things he is trying to hide, will be reveal with time, so we can evaluate him on basis of his “deeds” and his feelings. Can we say from his actions and behavior that he is trustful, helpful, kind, wise? Do we feel safe enough to share about our life, our truth feelings with him? Then this is real friend, who should be “soul mate”. For friends is valid the same as for married couple affirmation: to be together in good and bad, to take care of each other. Actually the person who you can call “beloved” has one more quality with that of “friend, soul mate”, that to be lover, so we are also attracted to him in all levels – physical, mental, spiritual. Then he is our truth love. If one of the levels fail, then all relation wont be truth and fake.
I continue with the quality of “trust” and feeling person close to us. About way of intuition mostly women possess it, even they not always are aware of it, because they don’t work with their intuition. Women can feel” her beloved many times from first look, even with risk to be misled, but men rarely can do so. He needs time to evaluate his own feelings, to see the woman from all sides and wait to reveal her character with the time. About that love relationships and “traps” of behavior i`ll write separately.
So by the 2 ways we have our friends, but not all people can be our friends! That is good to remember. In fact person has more or less up to 5 closer people, who are considered as “soul mate” and others are just “friends” by name, but this name should be substitute with “acquaintances”. Be careful, not everyone you just know” can be your friend, even he is good person himself, maybe you are not from the same color of the rainbow. That`s why best way to evaluate someone as friend is: 1. sharing (how happy and willing you are to share your inner world with him, and the same about him); 2.trust and helping (can you feel safe for anything about him, is he trustful and was he with you, in hard situations?) 3. time devotion (we still don’t realize how precious is “time”, so when you spend time with someone doing what you both like, that is most precious gift. So think how many times you talk, communicate, discuss things about life, not just complain about”, how often do you meet, face to face, and spend time together. That` ll tell you if this is truth friend, or not anymore. Even in hard situation for you in life, the “soul mate” will keep connection with you, even if you are in distance, which will make your communication not so strong and intense. Even so by willing from both sides you can still keep the word “friendship” between you, but you ll fail to evaluate it as “real one”.
(* I advise you to make this simple test for you now)
