III. going forward and enfolding my thoughts, who we can trust enough to enter in our world? That means who is worthy we to share many and most of our feelings, reveal our character? The answer is one and very simple: Only and only friends” and “soul mates” are trustful for us. (I don’t speak here about family members, as they are also separate category and if we wish or not, they are not “our soul mates” in many cases, in some they could be). I ll recite one favorite quote from the “New Testament” :
Matthew 7:6 :
Don’t give that which is holy to the dogs, neither throw
your pearls before the pigs, lest perhaps they trample
them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
Its very obvious what connotation have here “dogs” and “pigs” without we to offend both animals. Anyone, who is unknown enough to us, and without feeling and being sure he is “soul mate” is a priory “not trustworthy”, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be honest with him! Being yourself, without mask, (or if you prefer wearing mask of “yourself”) is highly recommended in your communication with others. In this way, you can be calm, you wont make someone fall in trap of “fake personality” and wont need to wrap garbage in beautiful package. From another side, don’t expect everyone to react and be like you, have in mind the principle “to not throw your pearls before the pigs”, which means simply keep yourself clean from the pollution of unclean people. That does not mean to hide yourself, or to pretend to be someone else, that means to not share your deep and sacred things with them, just to be careful. So you cant simply meet someone and start to speak about all your emotions in past and future.
Here I want to point out some important differences and misleading statements. The fact that you don’t share totally all with someone (means your private life, values and emotions in your speech) does not mean at all that you are “hidden” or you are hiding something! The hiding is revealed much more, as many other things, from actions ,then from words. That`s why, as principle of simplicity of Confucius here is valid: be simple and honest in your speech. As Lao Tzu says:
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
In this way, you know what means “pearls” and throwing in the statement from “New Testament”. Not only be careful with who you speak, with who you share and reveal, but also don’t give any minute of your time to people who are not totally “trusted”. You`ll regret that later. People who are not trusted, are already not your friends and soul mates”, they are strangers.
In my text I would like to talk also about the behavior exactly with “strangers” or people who are unknown and not in our rainbow color. Strangers people, or as we can call them “others” we can accept as mystery, means they are unknown and unrevealed for us. We don’t know if they contain 70% or 50% light or darkness, we don’t know even their intentions to us. What we can do to be sure this person is good?
The same points I mentioned about “friends” are valid here: we cannot be sure about them totally, and you can rely either on intuition (feeling from first sight) or on time approval (feeling after some events and communication process with person).
The first rule for communication with anyone – no matter stranger or not – we have to take care of our words and actions with them, be simple, honest and open with them, be kind, tolerant and patient, but don’t give them your privacy, nor anything special. Remember that in order to deserve that some time is needed ,in which he will reveal himself. If you are honest and open, and other is not, then obviously he don’t deserve your attention and time. So don’t dedicate more time at all and never waste time to anyone, who you dislike from inside! That is very important rule. Sometimes in life we are like put in situations to spend time with people we dislike, but if we ask ourselves “am I really tied to be in this situation” we`ll find many ways we are not. Escape and avoid to be in presence of such people (that you dislike even only physically) ,because that`s how your inner guidance work! Just be simple, kind but careful what you say and what you reveal.
When I observed that rules in communication, I want to point out some very practical things we can use in many life situations. On how to prevent yourself from people, who are not trusted, simply avoid them! If you like communication with others, this will be nice for your experience and you`ll take risks. Risks are always valuable, because they give us priority of life lessons. Something reveals to be nice or ugly. What I can say about first time meeting someone, is my recommendation for everyone:
1. don’t judge/ evaluate someone only by his writing style (when people write they can pretend to be also what they are not, come in roles of “writers”, in order to attract your attention, and finally when you fall in the trap, you find out the truth how you are mistaken)
2. Don’t judge/ evaluate someone by his look only. (look of someone can be very tricky, he can hide much and reveal much, so both are making your thoughts about his personality in wrong direction. Yes, look is important and here I want to encourage you to not give time to person who looks “unclean”, dirty, or has bad “aura” around) Respect yourself, and of course if you are clean wont be comfortable for you to be in presence of such person, even so be tolerant enough and curious enough to know why he is showing that.
3. Evaluate and judge others by their: a) actions, behavior with you; b) actions, behavior with others; c) actions with their family and children; d) behavior with old people; e) speech and words with you, with others, with family and children, with old people; f) shared values – with you, with others, with family and children.
4) Evaluate stranger people by their a) way of smiling to you; b) way of smiling to others people with different social status; c) way of smiling with their family and beloved; d) by their willing to help you, others, family and children, old people; e) their eyes, when they speak with you, with others, with their family, children and old people.
In the end I want to speak about the importance of smile and eyes in any communication. You can easily feel” the identity of someone, be attracted or repelled from him, from his smile, and his eyes expression. If we had the habit to look more deeply into eyes of others (which we forgot to do even while talking, we look somewhere else, or to our smart phone) we would see how much eyes have their language. Eyes of people and smile only can tell you so much you don’t know in any other way. They are sources of spiritual light” , so always look to the eyes first. All feelings, honesty, love, and trust are in them. About people with mask: notice well one difference, I counted many points how to evaluate someone, so don’t fool yourself to “know him” only from the way he behaves, speaks, shares, smiles and looks to you. You have to observe how to the same person do that with other people, with his family, children and old people specially. That will show you much about his real nature and honesty. Many people who say kind and sweet words to you, are fake. Many who have wonderful smile and show kindness to you, will reveal to be fake. Many who you “feel” are so trustful and honest, will be fake. That shouldn’t surprise you, because people have always different “aims”, in society and life. If you are rich person, or in leading company position many people would “love you”, “smile” to you and be very kind with you. That’s why the best is to see behavior of someone with different social groups, with poor people, and with old people. Then you can know on which way he is, and if he is allowed to be your “soul mate”.
Something more, people who always smile to everyone, hide something. That doesn’t mean they wear mask or are fake, they could really smile, but in order to hide sadness inside. Smile is something good in all situations. but if this smile hides “knife” and sharp teeth , then its not good at all. So smile in open and honest way, look in open way in the eyes of others, respect yourself, and choose well people around you.
Also don’t share much, if other person doesn’t. Friendship means equality, and requires both sides to be the same.
Don’t be offended by bad and rude words, they are not related to you, but they are treats of the mind of another and go back to him.
Don’t be flattered by sweet words – everyone wants to hear nice and lovely things about himself. Yes, but be sure when someone say to you, specially if he is not yet your “soul mate”, and close enough, he has a definite aim with this words and he will succeed if you believe it.
Observe specially how people react with all children, with poor and old people. Is he kind and compassionate, or only if he has benefit? That will show you much.
World is wide and people are so different like snowflakes, but they are all humans and should share the same values.
In conclusion, always remember, we are the same, and also we are unique individuals. Our planet is subjected to changes – of time, aging, character change, change of values, going high, going down. In any moment also the person you know as your “soul mate” can be revealed to be another, or you can change for him, or any other change can appear on your way (see my article * “what really belong to us”). That`s why no matter how well you made plans and calculate and how much you are careful about others, always there is chance for surprises. And that is great, because its how we grow up.
Have a day with love and light!
nina nour ~
