Nowadays whenever I go to sleep at night , my half of the time is spent over thinking some random things that were buried somewhere in my brain and had planned to pop up exactly when I am to ready to sleep on my bed.
My brain analysis my whole day activities and gives inferences without actually caring if I really care about it.
I make commitments for the next day , probably for that day itself because I already sleep late enough to make that day the next day . I also curse myself for the commitments that I couldn't stick to that day and shamelessly
recommit to next day as if I wouldn't have anything to do.
I think what different things did I do today. How much did I study and what all things were left to study. I try to clear my doubts about the unclear topics by overthinking about the topics. I make a commitment to try out few things next day to be better prepared for my exams or to better understand that concept. I try to think about how my exploration would one day lead me to success.
Then I try to concentrate on sleeping by trying to stop thinking anything else. But in vain.
I think how I would behave with my future wife. How would I live happily with her . How would I share my not-yet-shared thoughts with her. How we would have made our parents life heaven and how well everything would be someday. I mean these things are so persuading that I barely can get distracted . Most of the time passes away like that . I am lost in such heavenly thoughts but then someone reminds me of sleep.
I again try my luck. After failing to sleep within next few minutes, new thoughts strike my mind once again.I can't really control that.
I think what would I do at my college farewell party and annual day. So far I haven't done anything so I should do something this time. This will be my last year in the college. I have done nothing as far as extra curricular activities are concerned . I see myself preparing for dance and drama and some more time passes that way.
I don't know how many hours do I waste behind these things before I actually fall asleep . Then I again try sleeping fearing sleep deprivation for the next day . This time I think I was sleepy . But I don't know when did I sleep and how much did I sleep.
Does sleeping mean the same to you too?
