They say that “time always changes” and that “it does not remain same forever. But for me it seems to be a lie. My life seems to be stuck! Every passing year, only my age changes and all the other things remain the same. They say that “there is dawn, after every dusk”; but it seems that I am the part of that dusk itself…
Let me be negative today… There is no such thing as Hope, determination and faith!! It is only the fate!!!
The fate_ unknown to us! For, He has kept it CLANDESTINE!!! If it were all those things as hope, work and etc like that… then I would not have been here where I am today!! Most importantly_ FAITH and HOPE!!! They have let me down in a way that I am finding it difficult to take them into account again! Today, when I see my juniors speaking of such moral values, I just stay silent, for inside I know how hard it is in reality to walk with those things in your mind and heart!
Yes, I did not get what I want. In fact, I never got, what I always wanted except one thing_ being on top! I know not, why. He keeps m e on top even when I do nothing sometimes. And then I feel sorry for those who really deserved that position. Yes, I may have suffered many hardships, but that does not mean that I shall be getting everything that pleases me.
I am sick of this “waiting for good times to come”. And now I wonder from where the good times come! Or they ever come to the people like me who can always find a way to “adjustments”!! I think the answer is NO! but why! There are situations, when you have no option other than to ADJUST! When you are not in a position of bringing any CHANGE, then you have to adjust to that circumstance…
I have lost myself somewhere in the struggle of being patient and tolerant! I have lost myself in the war of risk and fear; hope and lost; in the search of alive and dead! In the contention of my soul, in the contemplation of this strange universe, in the understanding of subject of human beings! I have lost myself somewhere in the quest of myself!!
But I am none of those who lay down their weapons so easily. Rather I am one of those who never get sick of getting up after falling down every time! I may be collapsed mentally! But no one can take my heart out of me till I am alive! And It is the coordination of my heart and mind that keeps me alive. I may take rest, but I can never Quit! Still I am not sure whether I will get what I cherish, but I know that this continuous struggle will keep me alive! For life is all about Uncertainty and KEEP MOVING!!
And … yes! I am bad being negative. I just cannot stay negative more than 5 minutes! My writings, my thoughts and my mind always end up at a point where the positivity starts! For my heart knows my soul! And my soul does not bear such harshness with myself! Being negative is cruel act which directly and adversely affect your own self!
And yes, HOPE, FAITH and DETERMINATION is what I am looking for! For I had lost them some time ago… They do exist. They may not bring you what you want! But they will always bring you SUCCESS- in one way or in the other!!
"You KNOW not Him, He always knows you more. Seek for His path, you will find yourself"
