I never thought Everything will come to an end so soon. We rarely fought. Our fights never lasted even for 2 hours. But this time it was different. Although nothing had changed. No one had changed. He had started looking at things differently. His perspective had changed. I did not understand him, and he never made an effort to know what I felt. I just wanted his happiness, which he thought was being away from me. I felt helpless, didn't know how to react. He simply said sorry, he wanted to be alone. I tried to stop him. He didn't want to stay. Tears trickled down my cheeks, he found my behavior immature. I didn't have the courage to bid him good bye. I begged him to come back. That worsened the matters. I lost my self respect. I couldn't face myself. I was hopelessly in love with him. I was shattered. I stopped being happy. He was my joy. He had become a pain then. I hated myself for being in love with the person who took everything from me. Whatever belonged to me had his memories attached. I prayed to God to bring him back. But God never listened. He had some other plans. I never gave up on him. Prayed for his well being. As the time passed my tears began to dry. I had become a stone. I couldn't differentiate between happiness and sadness. Everything became same. I stopped caring about people. I found solace in books, I read day and night, whenever I could find time. I started going out with my friends. I focused on the things which mattered. I asked for forgiveness from those whom I had hurt at some point of time. I had changed. I was not vulnerable now. I became closer to God. I thanked God for whatever I had. I thanked God because he was helping me overcome. I had no clue where my life was taking me. There was darkness everywhere. But I knew one thing. God had plans for me. Today, I cherish the fact that losing him helped me become stronger. I realized that my friends loved me more than I had imagined.
Five years have passed since he last said those caustic words. I haven't forgotten him. I don't miss him. But somewhere deep down I know I still have the feelings for him which donot make sense to me.
I haven't contacted him in last five years. But today I bumped into him. I didn't have words when I saw him. Same deep eyes, a lean body and a beautiful smile. I was numb for seconds and didn't know how to react. I chose the simple path of smiling back. And simply walked. I started thinking on my way. All the cheerful moments that we spent together came back. I didn't regret losing him. I just cherished the time we were together. Now I know why he came into my life. Because God wanted me to experience the feeling of being in love. The feeling of being with someone who loved me back. We were not meant to be together. We were meant to experience each other. Love is for forever. But having your loved one always close to you is mere luck. Attraction love is not the only love in life. It is just a part of life. It will come, and it will go. If God wants it will stay. And if it doesn't better things are in queue. Trust God, and hope that Best is on its way. I haven't fallen in love again. But I love more people now. I love my parents, my siblings, my grandparents, my friends, my colleagues, my servant, my maid, the metro guy who recharges my card, the rickshaw puller who takes me to my workplace, the street children, the dog who sleeps on my staircase. And I know they all love me back. Instead of loving one boy I have distributed my love amongst many. I still think of him, but I am happy. I am content. I am hopeful. I have survived. And now I can be sure. I have moved on. I trust God. Best is waiting for me. And my eyes are waiting for the best.
