There is a paradoxical nature to my will for writing. If i wish to write something, if ever i am able to convince myself to sit down and my laptop to write , i am barely able to go past a few lines, before realising that it is complete and utter bullshit. This is most frequently the case if i know that i have intentions of going public with what i am going to write. Like right now , at this very moment, i can only think of wanting to do something else. What i donot have the answer to, but i know that it has to be anything but this.
"They were at the age when they knew only what they didnt want to do." This age was supposed to be teenhood, by 20 we were supposed to have straightened our lives out. By now we were supposed to be having jobs ,girlfriends , suiting hairstyles and getting ready to start out our careers. Most of my friends have achieved some or most of these targets, and many have not.
My entire social circle can be generally divided into people who are just about to finish college and people who have. Most people who have finished their graduate degree have jobs, and a small fraction is pursuing further studies. The majority of people however are still in college,still waiting to be released , still waiting for a final settlement to their years of labour, getting grades, preparing resumes , aceing b-plan competetions and what not. And then theres this small group of us waylaid people, degree extendees , who people feel sorry for behind their backs. But all of us have one thing in common. None of us are where we wanted to be at this moment. Life is not bad, but life could have been better. There is this continous feeling that we have wandered from our paths. So we take refuge in oceans of beer and whisky and in the clouds of marijuana.
The effects of marijuana are rather simple. The first time you smoke it , you barely feel a thing beside a little lightness. It is the second time, the time you decide to smoke a bit more to check whether it works on you or not, that is when it hits you. The music seems to seep through your ears into your very brain, every tune is crystal clear, every beat audible. You hear every minute drum beat, feel every pluck of the guitar strings, and the bass starts altering your perception of time and space. Every joke is hilarious and every comment witty. You dont know if an hour has passed or four. Everything is brand new for you to taste. Its like being born again.
I smoked for the first time about two- two and a half years ago, i dont clearly remember. When i had come to college i was a normal kid filled with aspirations and dreams.I was average looking , average tall with nothing really remarkable about me. I had never had a relationship before, and had never heard from a girls lips that she loved me. I had just cleared the 2nd toughest entrance exam in the world , and i had the whole world to conquer. Little had i known that college would change me forever. That before the four years of my graduation, i would have fallen in love, done drugs, get hauled up by the police, got involved in bike crashes, go on a trek without telling my parents, and made love to the girl of my dreams.
Falling in love was the most difficult part.
....to be contd. And haan i still havent switch on the music you know, as the music affects my emotions.
