I am walking on the wet sea shore barefoot. (Must accept – this is the best feeling ever). There is cool wind blowing and the sun is setting. I stand and stare at the sky. The birds are going back home. The sun is going away in a hope to rise again with more hope and beauty than today. I am sixty years old and the cold breeze takes me to a whirlpool of nostalgia. 54 years ago, when I was six, I face the worst trauma anyone could ever face.
I was six. I was the cutest child in the whole universe – I was said so. I was snow white and looked no less than a mermaid. I could have won over all the Disney princesses back then. World was a beautiful place with no evils in it. I thought all the stories have happy endings. But besides all this there was another more important feature of mine – I believed in god. I always believed that I am the child of god and no one will harm me at any cost. This had made me very confident about myself at the age of 6.
But one incident made me forget all about what I was, and made me a completely new person.
It was 12th of September. During the dawn, I came to the same beach where I am now. It was our personal beach back then, now I have donated it to charity. I was just wondering there and my ayah was looking at me from the balcony. Just then I saw a shadow of a man and a little girl. I couldn’t see their faces as they were masked. It seemed as if the little girl was crying. She was continuously telling her papa to no to do what he was going to. After that what I remember is a shriek from my ayah. I did not even realize what had happened to me. I fainted.
It was an acid attack. He was one of my father’s business opponents. He was jealous. He got arrested. But the harm was done.
When I woke up, it was already three days and I felt intense pain. I did not know what had happened to me but my face was spoilt. I could not go to school for a month. But when I did, I wished I did not.
They could not recognize me, and made fun of me at every step that I took. The teachers tried to help me but the students were not listening. I grew up with the same class mates and all their words started hurting more and more with my age. Friends were just a dream. I made euphoric friends. There were moments when I decided to stop living this lifeless life. But then, I would see my mother and curse me for even thinking so. She was the only person who thought I was still beautiful. My father cared the least just like he always did as he was busy with some or the other work every time. My teachers though held me up and gave me inspiration. I was a good student. I was good at studies and fetched desirable marks all the time. Academics was only something that did not make me feel worthless.
I woke up every day with just a hope that I would surely have some great time with my mother. But my worlds shattered on another doomed day when my mother was raped by the same man. She killed herself. I was upset, but more than that, angry. She was the same woman who inspired me to be optimistic, to be courageous, to be happy at all terms, and how could she kill herself? I wanted the answers but there was no way of getting them. However, I decided not to leave the world like my mother did. I would go to god only when he wanted me to. But my life was ransacked by this incident. I had my intermediate exams next month and I could not concentrate on studies at all. Times were bad for me. Now I could hold no one and cry at no one’s shoulders. They still teased me like they used to, but now I did not have my mother to boost me up.
As a result, my exams went awfully bad. The results were worse. Now I the last hope – of doing something in academics and proving my worth was out of reach. I could not see a single beam of light coming from anywhere. My life had turned into darkness.
I had my results in my hand, I was on the beach, and was moving towards the water. I was drowning, not struggling to get up. I gave my life and soul to the water that I was in. There was no use getting up. This was the only way to get myself rid of all the pains that I was facing.
Just then, I felt a hand. I was unconscious, but was still conscious. I was being dragged towards land. I felt the sand on my body. Oh shit! Who the hell saved me? The water was being pushed out from my lungs. It was a girl. I felt a drop of tear falling from her eyes. Two to three minutes later, I was conscious. I saw her and felt a deep bonding between us.
There were scars on her face, just like mine, but they were not as many. I had my whole face spoilt whereas she had only a few marks. She said, “Are you sane? You would have drowned!”
“I wanted that to happen.” I said with a gloomy voice.
“I guess I know why”
“What?”
“Umm… yes. I am sorry for whatever that happened on the night of 12th September and a month ago with your mother. I feel so dejected and ashamed. I know…”
“How do you know” I interrupted.
“See, he was my father. I am really abashed to say that but yes, it is the truth. That man spoilt both of our lives. Just like you were being tortured at your school, even I was being teased about my father. That man did not let me live life. He killed my mother as well. I was thirteen. I know how it feels like to lose a mother. We moved town after that. On the night of 12th September I was with my dad, I was the little girl trying to persuade my father to stop but he wouldn’t. the scars that you see on my face are from that incident, I got some drops on my face as well when he splashed it on you. Every time I see the mirror, I pause for a moment and realize what sin had happened in front of my eyes that day and how could I do nothing. I regretted taking birth when I could not save a life. But all this time I was alive just to meet you and apologize to you for the crime that my father committed. But now, seeing you, and hearing about you I feel like not dying. I feel like living and bear the entire curse given to me, just because I deserve it. My dad made your life hell, so how can I possibly go to god’s abode. Why was I born of such a man!”
I listened quietly. Both of us were sitting on the ground. She started weeping. I felt the air as if it were a message from god that my sorrows were over now. After 12 years, I sensed god once again. I looked up and smiled.
I put my arms around her and said,” Everything is all right now. You don’t need to be sorry for anything.”
She hugged me back.
There was silence for a while and after some time at utmost co incidence, both of us looked the sky and said “We will live!”
From that day, both of us became each other’s saviors. We no more needed to wonder in our world of hallucination. We had a life for real now. We could smile every day.
I felt a pat on my back, it was her. We smiled at each other and sat down on the sand. There was silence. We did not speak anything but just looked at each other and shared our words through eyes.
