"Kabir"...
I opened my eyes, and I was facing the huge clock that's placed right opposite my bed. 7:30, time to wake up! Today's the 21st of January. I've been dreading this day ever since 2014 started. Why? I don't really have the time to tell. I have to write a letter. My last letter to someone who doesn't deserve to be in my life anymore.
“Kabir”… Why today? Because today was the day it all started.
And because I'm so particular about dates, this could be the perfect end.
"Kabir"... I sit down to write and I have no idea how to start! Let's begin with the beginning.
"Kabir"... "Do you have any idea how much you're disturbing me?" I asked this constant chant of "Kabir" that goes on in the background, the second mind (Paulo Coelho talks about it in The Valkyries). No reply. "Ughhh... You're impossible!" No reply.
"Kabir"... I started writing in a jiffy. I can't figure out why, but I have a strong feeling this ain't stopping till I've completed the letter. I can hear the phone ringing. Actually no, it's blaring! Like a horn, that unpleasant. I have to get out of here, I'm not taking the call in any case. The terrace looks like a perfect place. Yeah, finally I can start writing.
"Dear Kabir, I hope you remember me. I know it's been only six months. But then, you have a terrible memory. You forgot all the promises you made every now and then for six months in two days! So yeah, getting back to the point. Although I've been asked not to contact you, I had to do this. To mark the end of you in me (remember Jab we met?). You have been wrong. Very wrong. Wrong to have told me that you're at peace only when you talk to me. Wrong to have told me that I have a strange influence on you,Wrong to have told me that you adore me...
You were wrong to have told me, "Samiira, what have you done to me! I can’t sleep until I have talked to you." You were wrong to have told me every now and then that you wish you could hug me. To have told me that you value me too much. To have told me that you couldn't do without me, that you can’t function without me. You were wrong to have called me your godmother...
You were wrong to have dropped all the hints that you later told me you did to make me realize you really did want to be with me. You were wrong to have made the false claims of not being in any relationship with the girl you had been in love with for a long time. You were wrong to have addressed me as "Samiira Malik". You were wrong to have called me,"Dear mother of my son". You were wrong to have stopped me from getting away from you every single time that I tried to, knowing that it already is too hard for me. You were wrong to have called me back every time that I succeeded in keeping away from you, calling me up at 3:00 AM and telling me that you've been feeling incomplete without me. You were wrong to have told me that you miss me a lot. You were wrong to have taken advantage of the fact that I was falling for you, I couldn’t help it for God’s sake! You were wrong to have told me that you wanted me in your life. You were wrong to have told me that you wanted to be with me..
You were wrong to have told me that I was perfect for you. To have told me that YOU LOVE ME.
You were wrong to have told me, "Samiira... I want you to be mine. The rest of our lives.... That is also too short a time for how much I want. For eternity."
You were wrong to have decided our children's names. You were wrong to have made plans with me of visiting places together. You were wrong to have not believed me when I wasn't sure of us. And then after all that, you were wrong to have left me all alone suddenly. To have refused to talk to me for the last time. To have forgotten everything in just two days! And you were wrong, because you are such a liar.
You know how it has been with me? I've been clueless. I've been wronged. I've been helpless.
Although it may sound like a bloody Bollywood influenced exaggeration(I know it does), there's your name at every breath I take. It actually happens. I've loved you a lot. Too much for you to understand. This is all I had to say to you. This was the last time I cried for you. Good bye. Have a great life. I know I will find someone I deserve to be with very soon, thanks to you.
Samiira.”
And there it ends. Addressing the letter to “Mr Kabir Malik”, I threw it towards the table. I felt shattered, completely. Like I didn't belong anywhere anymore. Nobody to call exclusively mine. Although I've not had that someone for the past six months, but today I've accepted it. I need someone's shoulder to cry on, but I'm alone. I wanted to laugh, be happy. I wanted to feel wanted. I wanted to hear "I love you". The door bell rang. I didn't want to get up. It rang again. "Mayank"....Yes, it's probably him. I stood up and ran to the door. He was standing there. He looked extremely worried. "I've been calling you. You didn't take my call," he inquired. Yes, he's really worried.
"Come with me."
"Is everything fine? Something's wrong, right?"
I couldn't say anything. I faked a smile. He followed me to the terrace. I gave him the letter. He read it while I sat next to him, sobbing. He folded it back when he was done and kept the letter back on the table, wiped away my tears.
"You know what?" he said.
I looked up at him.
"I love you."
He’s my best friend. I love him.
“Mayank”
I didn’t reply. And he never asked me anything. But I noticed the chant of “Mayank” in the background.
WOW..Touchy