The joy of waiting

You must have waited for someone you were about to meet at some time? For once, we all must have. How does it feel? For the first ten to fifteen minutes you’d be busy with your smartphone playing games, chatting or just reviewing your facebook news feed, and it would be fine. For the next ten minutes you’d be bored of your smartphone and would begin to feel awkward waiting for someone sitting at a place all alone. After this half an hour, you’d start to lose your patience, you’d text your friend to know about where he has reached. And if he doesn’t pick up, you’d become restless, but you’d still wait considering your plans, after the next ten minutes, you’d think what an idiot you were to get ready and reach the decided place before or on time. You’d want your friend to come, because you’ve made enough of a fool out of yourself. You’d decide to call him this time, your tone changes, you’d be irritated and not in the mood to listen to any excuses and definitely not wait any further. Your friend tells you that he’s reaching in a minute, it’d somehow relieve you. But does that one hour that you spent alone, can that be returned? Can the void that you felt while waiting, be filled by anyone/anything but your friend himself?

Imagine waiting for someone, who’s never going to come, for an indefinite period of time.

Does it give you chills? It should.

When you know something is never going to be yours, when you know someone is never going to be yours, but you don’t want to accept it. When you have lost all hope, but the wait just doesn't seem to be over. You know what’s the worst part about waiting? It’s the wait. You don’t even know if the person is ever going to come back to you. You want them to, but that’s not how it goes. They’ll come if and when they have to. or they just might not! That’s the part that scares you the most, isn’t it?

They never asked you to wait for them, but you do, every day, each day of your life. You spend each day as if it has no meaning. Everything without them seems so empty, so worthless and bland. They’re the only person who can make you laugh.

At first it appears as a cakewalk! “Ah! Waiting? That’s quite easy. It’ll pass” HELL NO! each day leaves you more and more empty, each day you break inside a little, each day you die inside a little. Your heart says, “go text him, you silly girl!”, “Go and give him a hug, he’s standing right there!”, “She’s online, initiate a conversation”. You surely want to, every day, each second of the day, all you want is them! And then a little voice inside you asks “Will he reply”, “How is she gonna react?” “Is he gonna like it?” “What if this spoils everything?” As if anything was left now?

You have nothing with you, not them, you can’t see them, you can’t feel their presence, you can’t meet them, and you can’t tell them what you feel. All you have are their memories. Your heart screams from the inside; every time you read your old conversations, your hands shake, your heartbeat fastens, and you start sweating! You become restless, you get lost in a world of your own, where they are! You thank god for all the beautiful dreams you have of them, for at least in your dreams you can be with them.

But you know, what’s the worst part of waiting? You’re not even sure if the person will ever come back to you. Whether they know if you’re waiting for them or not? You want to tell them, talk to them, touch them, hug them, kiss them, and keep them forever with you. But it’s not just possible.

What if they have someone else in their life? The thought just breaks you up from the inside, you sit there for days together thinking what if it’s true. You want it to be a lie, because you know your heart will not be able to take it. You’ll not know how to react to it, you’re waiting for them since forever and they’re with someone else! Boom! End of your fantasy world! You crave for their love, because they are the only person who can make you cry and they only are one who can make you smile within a second. It kills you from the inside to live each day without them.

After some time, you just accept the truth, you accept it that you’ve failed and you’re never going to get ‘em. You just give up. Because the pain in your heart doesn’t let you live and neither does it kill you, the burden of their memories is too much to carry and their dreams start to haunt you. With time you just get used to it. You wait for them because the love isn’t gone. It’ll forever be there, and maybe as it was. Somehow, you just stop reacting to the pain that it gives you. You get used to the pain and loneliness that is now a part of your life, and nothing but this gives you the satisfaction. The pain is the proof of your love for them, and you don't want to get rid of it. Because you think, if the pain's gone, the love's gone. This, is the joy of waiting for someone who is never going to come.

Now go and look at their photo and grab a smile.

Ty

Waiting for you, forever and ever, my love. ♥