"A man shall leave his father and mother and join himself to his wife, they both shall become one flesh."
Every man understands the latter part of the sentence...that of becoming one with his wife.
But what about leaving the parents?
That's where he dithers.
He's now caught between the devil and the deep sea.
Poor man!
He's got to make a decision fast. But he usually ends up tagging along his parents everywhere he goes, leaving his newly wed wifey back home.
In our Indian joint family setting, guys can hardly make a decision. It's already made by the head of the house.
So the poor gal only got the honeymoon part to herself, that too inundated by scores of calls made to her hubby by her mom-in-law, "Beta, sab theek hai na?"
I know of one mom, so attached to her son, more so because her hubby spent many years in the middle east, that she spent her son's first night of marriage lying between the son and wife.
Amusing?
I think it was sheer tragedy. For the poor, poor son and his gal.
Now they've moved out on their own, but the gal still remembers that awful experience. Her first night, spoiled completely.
Then there's another case of a son who couldn't leave his mom, so he stayed on for years..now he regrets his decision.
The dad takes him for granted, suspects his every move...mom expects him to be by her side every now and then..
this in spite of being the most dutiful son he could ever be.
It would have been better if he had moved out immediately.
His respect and dignity would still be left intact today.
There may be instances where it becomes necessary for the man to take in his parents, on account of illness or any dire necessity.
Adjustment would be the norm then for the newly wed couple.
But where there is no need, the couple should be left off the hook as early as possible.
I saw this girl, married just 3 years. She lived in our building. The girl I saw at the reception and the girl I watched now were two different personalities. Now she seemed so timid, diffident..no identity of her own.
She lives with her in-laws, who are good folk.
But if she'd lived on her own with hubby dear, I'm sure there would've been that spring in her step today.
I'm so glad for my mom-in-law. She just let us be. Having a transferable job too has its benefits.
I grew as a person.
Living on our own all these years has made me respect my in-laws more than before.
I wouldn't mind looking after them now, if the need arises, because she earned my respect.
Man, you are an adult now. And married at that. Why do you need mom to make every small decision for you? Make it clear to her from the start. Support your new wife in all she does and is. That will send out a strong signal against unwanted intervention. Your marriage would be preserved too.
I think the greatest gift a dad and mom can give their son on his marriage day, would be to just let him off the hook.
So moms, do take your hands off him...and don't resort to that emotional blackmail too..
Dads, please stop worrying about him. He's grown now.
And don't you dare interfere with their domestic issues.
The girl would love you both for a lifetime.
