I did go through a lot of emotions yesterday. From being told that I was worthless to being told that I wasn't trustworthy, I had it all. I was hurt and I am still hurt. What would anybody do if they were in my place? What right do people have to make fun of the way I am? It hurt me a lot and I ended up crying all night. I'm feeling sleepy now. But coming back to the point, what did I do to deserve those harsh and hateful words? Nothing! Maybe I thought all people were good and that they could be trusted. I was wrong. But the fact that hurt me was not other people's thoughts but that of my love. I loved him and I still do. I trusted him and now what he tells me is that he trusts others more than me. He supports others more than me. That really shook me.
I began introspecting, going through my life after I was with him. And I found in myself a drastic change. I'd given up many of my dreams. People called me crazy but I called it love. I had to ask before doing things, but I didn't mind it at all because I felt I was his and he was mine and we had to know what the other was doing. But then it became too much. He didn't let me go out with my friends one day. He humiliated me in front of others. I had tears in my eyes but controlled myself for the reason that I didn't want to create a scene. I'd become a different person after being with him. I forgot who I really was. I did things I wasn't supposed to. Why? It was because I loved him and didn't want him to be sad or upset for anything. We had many fights. He always said it was my mistake though all I'd do was tell him that he was wrong. He would yell, he would show his anger. But I put up with it all.
But yesterday I lost my ability to control. I was tired of it all. I would gladly accept it as my mistake if I was wrong but then I wasn't and what he said ripped my heart. And then in the whole night of tears I made a decision. A decision to be strong- to change and be the person I initially was. I decided to chase my dreams and to what I want to do in life and not wait for others to make decisions for me. I've decided that it is I and only I who will have control over my life. Today is the start of my all new life. A life minus him. A life full of dreams! Yeah it is difficult to let go after all this time. But if I don't do it now I'll never do it again and my life would be a living hell!
