The Big Bang_ But I am still Young! ;)

Recently I found out why I lost my interest in movies. There were the days I used to watch four to five movies in a day and almost seven to eight movies over a weekend! Yes! Believe it or not, but I was like this_letting my thoughts wander where-ever they wanted to! I knew not the world, I knew not the people and I knew not myself!!

But, I had peace and tranquility. I knew not the meanings of pretending except something the show actors present. I had not one life. I used to live in the scenarios created by the words of novels, in the videos of fantasy, in the animation of fiction and in the colours of canvas! But the lives were wonderful!

I had a dream, like everybody has! A dream I thought could come true by following some basic old rules I had read in books, seen in movies and captured in my paintings! The same repeated rules elders tell to their juniors, teachers to their students and parents to their children! The rules I had remained stick to! The rules I so confidently used to speech to others! The rules I had a firm believe in! May be I had seen them proving true and working every where, therefore I became a bigot! The rules I doubt today_determination, hardwork, faith!

It is not that I disapprove these morals cz I could not see my dream coming true! Yes, I have seen my dreams coming true_the small wishes_ always getting highest marks in the whole batch, winning the first prize for essay writing competition, getting the gold seal certificate in the art competition, keeping my head high in science project and being the apple of my teachers' eyes!

I don't regret that I could not accomplish that major dream towards which I had passed every step and crossed every hurdle_ being regular to classes even in fever, missing the joy of concert due to some trignometric formulae, bearing the noise in home while studying and fighting my desire to watch movie during exams!

Yes! I admit, my dream was broken! Broken into so many and so small pieces that it became my another dream to join those pieces again! The kind glue of hope,that had been keeping my heart and mind together by the bridge made of that dream, melted away_ taking the bridge with it, making a distance between my parts! And for long I was lost! Lost in the woods of mysticism to find the replacement of that bridge! But it could not be possible unless I recovered the glue again!

I had lost hope, I lost everything_ the words, the notions, the purpose and even the tears! I had lost myself!!!

It was then I came to know the other meanings of "pretending". I came to know the world, I came to know the people, and I came to know myself!!! No, I had an idea of myself, but that was portrayed in the image of bookish beliefs!

My broken dream brought me from the world of fiction to the world of reality! The reality_ achieving a task is not as easy as winning a race championship in "The Driven", it is not always real to change the world as in "Three Idiots",
seeing the dream come true is not always possible as in "Homeless to Harvard"!!!

Yes, I had been a dreamy girl, a book worm, a mistaken persons! But, I enjoyed the life I had been living! Now, I have lost the interest cz I have seen the reality! Games of reality, everyday life dramas and the moments with some cheering company seem far more entertaining than those time passing stuff!

My dream was broken but not like the glass of wine that makes the good useless! My dream was broken like the Sun (big bang)_ nothing go wasted, just appeared into new form and shape_still revolving around the parent source! The pieces of my dream revolves around my dream_ more closer now! My beliefs did not change but my interests got changed!

I have stepped into reality! Dreaming is not bad but believing it will happen 100% cz you had given 100% then, you are living in the world's biggest lie!! It never happens! Life is Uncertain !! I doubt no more about those rules, but I doubt my life! I am not scared! But I am prepared!!!

I had been living in the dream but in fiction. Now I live that dream everyday in reality! I fly! cz I realize! And realization is the first and foremost obligation and purpose of all ours lives! My broken dream has given more meanings to my life than the firm desire could ever brought me!

The pieces of my dream made me realize I need not to find the replacement! I just had to accept that Life is Really Uncertain!!! Though I had a belief in it, but never thought that this way I would be tested!!! But there was no other way better than this which could make me realize this! I started Realizing in Real_outside the books, outside the movies, outside the paintings!!!

I don't say that dreams don't come true, I just want to say that accept the Uncertain nature of Life before you are broken even badly than me_cz the journey of hopeful to hopeless is easy but the journey round the other way is very tough!!!

PS: I have not given up laughing and smiling, I wanna die young ;)