That day,when you asked me if i liked you....

Hi,

That day,when you asked me if i liked you..i had actually written the message you are about to read.....dont jump to conclusions in between,whatever's written down was written on that day,this mail is not about what you think.please read the whole thing...its a request.

"Honestly , i never thought you would ask me such a question , before i give you an answer i want to share some things which i have never told anyone in my life............right from my childhood i have been this kind of person whom people used to adore and also equally hate , one of a kind , they used to say . Overall , i was one intelligent and mischievous kid . My dad was proud of me,why wouldn't he be? He had a wonderful kid , right?
But things changed , i started growing up.
It was in during my tenth class when i hurt my parents most , i lied to them saying that i was going to my friends home to study and i went to play , play , right before the exam day,i played every day,never studied .... My parents somehow came to know about this ,...my results came...i scored 84.5% , my dad told me one thing ... Son, its not because you scored less i am hurt but because you are losing your life,not utilising the potential you have,lying is a very bad habit....and you know what i said? Dad,its not a bad score , please dont make a big deal out of it......time went by ... I joined in 11th , i started stealing money from my dad ... I started bunking classes and going to movies ... One day he realized what i was doing and My dad asked me to go with him to the terrace ... I sat with him ... This time he never said anything to me...but instead,he cried...cried on my shoulder saying that i had a great potential and that i was wasting it ... Being a jerk as i was always,i still couldn't understand what it was all about...he always knew i was stealing money from him...that night he told me "money is not everything , son" ...i couldn't understand his problem with my marks but i definitely understood one thing,that was when i realized money doesn't buy me everything,since then i never took even one rupee from him without his permission....but i was still that brat who used to bunk classes to go to movies ... It was around September 2009 when our classes where shuffled and that was the first time i saw you,and when i saw you,i felt something , as if i had known you for a long time,i still remember your face , you looked ashamed,i wondered what it was about .... A little time passed and i somehow came across you on gmail,i talked to you for the first time and i was amazed at finding out the kind of person you were , the way you told me how you wanted to prove yourself to the world , how you wanted
to show your parents that you are not what they think you are,that was the first time you actually inspired me,i felt ashamed looking back into my life,every conversation i had with you took me in the path of realizing what a jerk i had been all the time,but i never took it in a positive way though , i cursed myself , i started believing that i was fit for nothing .... And this resulted in a failure again,i failed to make a mark in eamcet or aieee or iit ... My eamcet rank was 79017 .. Quite a number , right?
Now,somehow i wanted to believe in your thoughts,i wanted to prove myself......do you remember the day i was actually talking to you about long term? You wanted to go for long term and i had advised you not to go...that was the day when i left to another city.....
My dad got transferred ,and when i heard this news , i felt like my life was being sucked away ... Yes , it was because i was going to miss my friends...but it was not that all,there was still something...i started thinking about you...don't know why but i wanted to talk to you ... And that was when one day i found you online ... I talked to you .you said you were gonna leave,i felt heavy ... I have always been shy with girls and i had accumulated a lot of guts and asked you for your number...surprisingly,you actually gave me your number,because i was just an acquaintance and you were shy with boys ....after that you know how we talked , what we shared between us...we were not like other people of our age...a step ahead in maturity or any other aspect for that matter ... Each and every conversation of mine with you soothed me,i felt very happy talking to you, and one night while i was talking to you i suddenly realized what i actually felt about you....i wanted to tell you and i stopped because you had told me that you always believed boy friend girl friend thing was not your thing and you always stayed away from it....so i refrained myself from telling you anything...anyways i never believed in boy friend girl friend thing myself....whenever i wanted to tell you this...i would write an email and then it would go directly into the drafts folder...
It was in our first year of engineering we talked and became close....but then April 4th 2011 was the day you stopped talking to me for a long time...i never knew what the reason was....and then you talked ...and then you stopped talking....this kept on repeating.. Those days when you never talked to me were like days that never existed in my life ... I was a spoiled brat once and now i am a respected person,respected by my friends and teachers...my dad loves me now....and you dont know this but it is only because of you that i have transformed into what i am today....those talks with you...they might have meant nothing to you....but to me they are as precious as my life and they are all in my heart...you once asked me if i had a crush on anyone...and i said no...i lied....well,you were not really a crush to me..but more than that...i have been a coward all this while....now you asked me the same question.....i never wanted this to happen this way...i was writing a book about my life and i wanted to tell you everything by giving you the book.... But now i just dont feel right if i still lie to you....

i dont just like you .. But i love you.... more than anyone else in my life...
I know i am not a stylish guy who has his charms on women.... neither am I handsome ....you are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen.... I dont know what i wrote above i dont know how the things i told you are related to your question to me...but...without you ..there might be me...but there wont be any kind of life in me...i would be as good as a dead log without you....i promise that if you give me your hand i will never leave it till i die...theres still a lot i want to tell you but i dont know how to put it in words ... I am crying as i type this message... I dont know if you would ever accept me....how else could i say this....there were times when i was fighting with myself to forget you....because I know this is not correct,having feelings for you,its like I have fooled you all along...i never succeeded....i gave up on it...
I dont know what else to say....
I always loved you and will always do.
Sorry if i hurt you

embarrassed and needed a lot of guts to write all this and many more guts to hit send.
Thank you for everything,i love you."
.....................................................................................

Hmm,anyways,its been two months now....the thing is, I dont have any friends to talk about this...because i've never wanted anyone to know about you,because i respected you...no one thinks that a guy like me fell for a girl....even if I told them,they wouldn't believe me,I am believed as an ideal child any parent would want to have...i had to take it all on my own...since no body knows,I never had a shoulder to cry on,or to heal myself....

I want you to understand one thing , and only one thing....If I fell for you , then there is a reason for it....you said you had respect for me,but now its all gone...I dont want you to think that I started talking to you because I wanted you ...no,you were a friend,a very good friend ... I loved every bit of your character....Honestly speaking,I dont know when I fell for you...it happened through time.I want you to understand that I am not like the guys who play games with girls.I dont like the way I am behaving with others now,like I've lost everything
,honestly,everything ended on a wrong path,i try to talk to this girl because she somehow looks like you,and i constantly stare at this girl who wears the same watch you used to ,what am i ? Some crazy psychopath?...hmm,after the reasons mentioned , do you still think I deserve this silent treatment?....falling for you was not planned by me,nor was it a choice ... It just happened without my knowledge.And this...where you dont talk to me and all,I dont feel this is all correct,dont you know what kind of a character I have? Do you think I deserve all this? I just hope you think about it at least once,before you reply,in case you feel like replying.