Today was on of the silly days when my boyfriend was being all loony and he asked me why it was only the girl who could get f***ed and not the guy.
I told him it wasn't so, firstly whenever the girl is in the position of the giver it can be said that she is f***ing the guy. However i felt that there was another reason why he asked what he asked and that was because somewhere in this male chauvinist society, the patriarchal mindset sees sex as a weapon that can be used to dominate and control women. It is not seen as an act which is indulged in, by two consenting individuals but something which represents the power relation between man and woman. Popular media as well as the social 'norms' teach men to be naturally wanting and women to be quiet about their sexual instincts.
Maybe coming from liberal households or growing up around strong opinionated women would not allow you to agree with what i have to say here, and honestly that is a good sign. But then what percentage of the total population do such households even form? The numbers are way too less and I'm assuming that they too are probably concentrated in the metropolitan cities.
Literature, lit-erotica and erotic movies reflecting the woman's perspective are missing from the scene and i feel that that is primarily because even in the 21st century talking about sex, especially if its a woman who is doing it and is claiming to enjoy it- is still a taboo.
And then i turned to the erotic sculptures that decorate the walls of many of our Indian temples and the detail and postures of the deities amazed me! I echo my english teacher that, "We are the land of the Kamasutra" and we have a cultural heritage that was seemingly much more liberal and definitely more expressive than what we claim ourselves to be today. Its ironic that the West which actually brought the concept of 'chastity' or that of 'virginity being a virtue' is seen as a symbol of modernity and we call ourselves conservative- not ready for exposure on screen, not ready as a market for adult novels and plays etc.
I find it hypocritical and amusing at the same time. Its a taboo to talk about sex, sex toys are banned in India, there hardly is any talk about how women enjoy it or what they want. And yet there was a time when most movies featured a rape scene to sensationalize the pain of the woman to draw the crowds to the hall. Even today, popular item numbers show women dancing for the pleasure of the male gaze. Sex sadly, is not seen as something which both the partners can enjoy but only as something which is meant for the man to enjoy. And if its only one party that must enjoy, the other becomes a means to achieve it i.e. women are reduced to being mere objects. Once they are dehumanized, inflicting violence upon them is so much more easier because they are not seen as worthy of being given equal treatment. Their wants, desires or needs aren't considered and don't matter.
That being my conclusion that sex, sadly is seen as an indicator of power relations between the oppressor and the oppressed and not as something pure that can be enjoyed by women as well and that might be one of the reasons for growing instances of rise in violence of sexual nature against women.
(Image source:
https://www.google.co.in/search?q=erotic+sculpture&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=Zi7-UomCE5CsrAe_6YC4BQ&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1280&bih=675#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=old-Hm5_34RssM%253A%3B9FZoiqLHh6u4sM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fst.depositphotos.com%252F1561509%252F1757%252Fi%252F950%252Fdepositphotos_17571061-Temples-of-Khajuraho-famous-for-their-erotic-sculptures.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fdepositphotos.com%252F17571061%252Fstock-photo-Temples-of-Khajuraho-famous-for-their-erotic-sculptures.html%3B1023%3B682 )
Comments (6 so far )
In fact you yourself talked about two things that i don't agree with. Firstly, it is not merely the threat of (biological) pregnancy but also the socially constructed notion of women's honor being violated which is exploited by individuals who never learnt to respect women as equals and hence they go forward and commit acts of sexual violence against women.
And secondly, "girl loves pleasure too but they don't tell directly and its pretty good because that is the learning they get from home"- this statement is itself reflective of the subconsciously attached notion of a 'good woman' who doesn't talk about her physical requirements being differentiated from a "bad woman" who is more expressive and more vocal. This statement in itself is reflective of the social conditioning that teaches that 'man' should be active, should take lead, should be free and allowed to express his desires while 'woman' should be passive, should be docile and not express her needs and desires, thereby reinforcing the gender stereotype.
1) Love
2) Lust
3) Emotional breakthrough
If comes out of love, its good.. because than their is no suppressor
If it comes out of lust, it obviously bad... and lust can of from either side... (True men are less emotional)
If comes out of emotinal breakthrough and not created as fussy... Like in abroad...than its better.. ...
its awesome
Beautiful lines.
You have given an authentic touch to the weird reality of our society
Nitin, i really don't know how to explain you any further. You have an extremely simplified notion of sex and a very 'cause and effect' sort of an understanding. I am talking about the level where sex is used as an instrument to demonstrate an unequal power relationship.
And now i tell u why its called as girls get fucked... Its not bcz of male chauvinist society but bcz they get pregnent which guy can never in their wild dream also.... And thats d real reason of girls getting threatened for rape and other bullshits....
Msg me if u agree......