PMS

I just chanced upon a PMS joke

The 10 Definitive Signs of PMS are:
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, 'How's my driving? Call 1 800 ****"**.'
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Frankly I agree with every one of them. I get crazy during this dreaded time of the month. I being a Gemini and monsoon season does not help. Even during my ordinary days i have difficulty in decision making and like all gemini's i too have MOOD SWINGS. But PMS makes it worse.
Just couple of days ago,while My husband asked me to pass salt and I flared up and told him " why everything is supposed to be done by me... while u get to sit on ur a** all day long." The poor man immediately knew the tym was apt to shut-up. He had his bland food quietly and even helped me clean up after dinner (Okay PMS has its perks..;)).
This gets even weirder in front of the servants. From cooks, to maids to watchmen everybody steer clear of me. It seems I am walking around looking like lady Hades or Yamraj. with horns on my head and spitting fire.
I tend to hog like a pig, a pig who has been starved since birth. I can eat anything and everything. I tend to like the weirdest of all food. Imagine a combination of bhujia and dahi or daal with haldiram's mixture. I get up at midnight feeling hungry.... again.
Depression increases 10 folds when I have difficulty in even fitting into my jeans. No matter how much I jump or squeeze my stomach the jeans won't fit. I often end up consoling myself thinking the jeans might have shrunk.
My facebook wall is full of statuses and songs. All sad Lata Mangeshkar songs and Statuses are very depressing, just yesterday I had a fight with brother-in-law, for making fun of me on fb. Since when did I started taking FB seriously?
I cry at a drop of a hat, with silliest of excuses like maid didn't come or I hate mumbai and i miss Kolkata.
PMS is capable of ruining all the relations and friendships I've had. All of a sudden I feel my friends are acting too pricey. I am suddenly all alone *** pure dukhiyari aatma***.My friends seem more friendly to my sworn enemies than me. One tends to get a feeling that every body has joined hands to drive you crazy.

The worst is when my best friend and I, we both have our PMS going. I wouldn't be surprised if we are seen pulling each other's hair off.
But there is one best part about PMS. I finally get the courage to speak my mind. Things that I would not say in order to be polite, I would say it during these times.
"I really think you look bad with half sleeve check shirt and tie."
"Women are way stronger than men. We bleed for 7 days, yet we cook and clean for you, while you waste your time looking at 11 idiots running after a ball."
"f*ck you"
If I could I would walk around with a board saying "PMS... run for your life". I am bitter, moody , bloated and ugly during this time of the month. All thanks to Vikas my husband for keeping up with me. Thank your stars that you don't live with me at least these 10 days.