Visit any forum and there would be many threads about love unfulfilled, single sided love, incomplete emotional expression and breakups.
Which forces one to think if Love is just found in books or is there any substance behind all the rosy poems and songs we have heard throughout our lives.
Lets find out what is Love and why it fails in first place, this write-up is strictly about the love between two unrelated humans of different sexes though some aspects might be applicable to same sex couples too.
Humans have a general need to belong and confide mentally, emotionally and physically in order to feel complete and attain overall human experience and bliss associated with such experience.
The term which is used for this confiding act is 'Intimacy'. Intimacy is a process of dissolving the boundary of self and allowing another person a peek inside one's self and being reciprocated the same way.
It happens at various levels ,i.e, Physical, mental and emotional levels, in order of significance in increasing order.People are unconsciously referring to an element of intimacy when they are talking about trust or lack of the same.
Lets look at various aspects of Intimacy .
1: Physical intimacy :
Hugging, kissing and sharing personal space, doing activities together etc.This aspect is easiest when there is mutual attraction and appreciation of appearances though this alone doesn't complete the overall experience.Physical intimacy is the main ingredient of Passionate relationship, which is characterized by infatuation and preoccupation with the ideas of thrills which would result from being in the company of each other.
2: Mental intimacy :
Sharing of ideas, discussions, views, gossip, humor, social interaction as team etc. This aspect is important in any relationship as this creates a mutual space in each others mental universe. Human beings are intellectual animals and we dwell on thoughts more than any other living creature. If your partner has a space in your mind chances are they will have space in your life too.Mental intimacy is main ingredient of friendliness.
3: Emotional intimacy :
Disclosures of secrets, hidden ideas, past experiences, secret activities and personal feelings etc, in other words giving the view of inner self to your significant other. This is most important aspect of a long lasting relationship without this aspect the mutual true love can't take place.As this is the aspect which provides mutual exclusion from harm and provides a solid background for mutual trust and feeling of oneness.Emotional intimacy is all about being one and reflecting and nurturing each other.Any relation which doesn't have mutual emotional intimacy and exclusion of harm has no potential of growth.
Success of any long term relation depends on the right mix of all three types of intimate sharing. Ample amount of intimacy results in long lasting bond between two individuals, it is the root of the tree of true love, without overall intimacy higher aspects of love can't be attained, though biological association is attainable with only physical intimacy and mutual physical attraction but it eventually fades away with time to be replaced with love-hate feelings due to absence of emotional and mental bond.
Remember the overall expression of lasting love is a mix of feelings of commitment, care and a vision to attain fulfillment in life as a team.In other words true love between couples is end of vacillating tendencies and shifting of focus from possibilities outside to within each other.
Most problems in relations are due to problems in mental and emotional intimacy or absence of them, one can work on both of them for long lasting relationship and only on mental intimacy for a lasting friendship.
In short physical for fun, mental for party and emotional for soul and all three for a life worth living and leaving a legacy behind.
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*Title and excerpts from one of my unfinished works.
