I was never been a girl who grew up and transformed into dreaming about prince charming who would come along, would be great at being handsome, share all my sorrows and complete my own family…I was successful at keeping myself isolated from people for a long time which made me use my own brains and spared me from the pressure of lines already drawn…I always dreamt of being the first person to land on Jupiter..I developed this craze when I was in 7th grade and eventually my love for Jupiter grew with time…I even knew what I would take along to this attractive planet and the list included few of my registers, pencil box and walkman…I loved things more than humans as few key chains, rough registers, art accessories and my dreams were what made my world and were with me along all those years…
Major shift in my thoughts came when I was diagnosed with hormonal disorder at the age of 15 years…doctor always avoided details in front of me but I understood those silent moments due to my subject of biology…I had treatment for two continuous years which drove me mad as it consisted of many ultrasounds and blood tests under specific conditions…After those diagnostic procedure was over, I was given medicine that was three tablets per day till 6 months…I use to forget things so I kept it in my pencil box. my classmates found that and made fun of me.. I did felt insecure and wished to be like normal girls…
But I never was good at being girl..I still hate pink color, dresses, gossips, noticing every boy and girl in and outside campus…I love pants with many pockets, no makeup, money over expensive dresses, not to be concerned about being elegant while sitting, eating and talking..I can sleep on a dining chair when my room is all messed up instead of cleaning it…
But now, after four years of my treatment, at times I wish to have my own family which mainly revolves around having children…It’s not because of those girls I see talking about getting married and having children all the time…but because I know I’m not healed up yet so there are many chances of not having kids…reason of this strong believe also includes the fact that medicine given to me to for treat ment has side effects and i.e. causing infertility which is the very reason of taking them in the very first place…
Now being a medical university going student, I visit peads(children) ward more often and look at children…I never asked their parents to let me hold them close. This helps to fill up my emptiness but at times it gets difficult to overcome this reality…
Now when I'm social than before and a part of many active fields, I sometimes compare both phases of my life..
Show off, pretending to be all cool by hiding all my insecurities and dealing with many fake people seems to be at lost when compared with impowering moments of stepping on Juipter first, love for my wrist watches and company of books.....
