A few days ago I had people raving about new year parties. Fireworks all around greeted the change of date. Which also caused my car's windscreen to crack! meaning..... a heavy expense in the beginning of the new year. Youngsters could not stop dancing.
I lay sleepless! I wondered was 2012 really that good for so many of them! Is this year really a revolution in their lives causing them to celebrate already? Soon the image faded and I was faced with a mirror of truth showing myself!
It is always easy to judge others but facing your own failures and shortcomings is the task often undone. I decided to do it! I have attempted an exam for my post graduation 4 times but still failed. I lay here with no progress in my career, sure I have a great family to support me. Despite the thick and thins financially I have been sufficiently cared for. Often this is enough reason for women to suffice, But I felt incomplete. I spent five years studying for my degree. Family wanted me to get married but I took a stand and went against all odds. Took every criticism and mockery in stride and rose above all. BUT where is that go get it girl now???
I had no answer in fact I still don't. Not to mention this is most unsettling. I pondered further...... And before I could believe that I have turned into a depressive a flash from old memories came rushing down the memory lane. When everyone around me told I did not have the IQ to pursue anything I still managed to pass every obstacle. What I had lost in me was zeal to pursue what matters to me. Which also brings to my attention another thought which is open to debate for readers that maybe because I am now supported by people around me I have gone lax. Is it true that when you develop that fighter instinct and attitude you actually fail where there the opposition or challenge is less? And even after repeated failures how do I strike back?
While these questions await answers I continue my struggle to get hold of my professional goals which make me complete. Only this time my approach changes. I think sometimes it is best to let go of complex thinking and just apply basic focus to issues in life. Whining and looking for answers dint get me anywhere. The enemy is within me this time. As Nelson Mandela said "" Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, Our greatest fear is that we are adequate beyond measure" I have never been a fan of fancy shmancy quotes but this one rings a bell! The fight for adequacy of oneself is what I strive for and this as I write is my answer right here! This is what I lost last year! The fight and challenge to prove to myself that I can do this!
Even though they sound like just big words with no substantial actions yet I now know what needs to be done. As the cliche goes... never loose hope I am also hoping I should be able to do this.
