My story

I pondered on what I'd write today, when this thought occurred to me.
"Write your story."
"Mine?" I questioned. "What if they judge me, mock me?"
"Just go ahead."

So here I am penning down my thoughts which swirl in my head like an unceasing whirlpool.

First of all, I must confess. I'm not here by accident. I'll explain. Weeks before I joined WB, I had a dream one night. I saw myself holding a hose pipe in my hand watering what seemed to me a big, empty college classroom. It was an auditorium kind of classroom. You know what I mean, where the benches are arranged in ascending order.

The dream made no sense to me. After a few days, another one.. Similar, but this tiny classroom, was dirty. I wept and wept. I hate dirt. Seeing this, folk began cleaning up. I wondered what the dreams meant.

Sometime later, seeing this article on WB in HT newspaper, I logged on to it by sheer curiosity. I loved it. From then on its been history.

But I did have days when I'd ask, "God, am I done? These folk are so young and I'm years apart."
But new thoughts kept coming and the words kept appearing. Folk kept encouraging.
I was indeed surprised.

Then it struck me suddenly. The dreams I had just seen, were indeed coming true. Here I was, in the company of elite scholars, doctors, working professionals and hardworking college students.
I should be feeling like a fish out of water, but I don't. Because its a divine mandate. How long I'd be here, I've no idea. If He says one day, "You're now done," then I'm gone.

Whew! Sorry for the long intro.
Coming to my story, and you thought it was over, well, I struggled with depression for years. It began in my college years. Awful, negative, self depreciating thoughts often welled up in my mind. I listened to them. Formed an opinion of myself based on them, and then started my downward journey to deep, deep depression.

An absolute introvert by now, with few friends, I became increasingly publicity shy and a gawky, awkward adult eventually. The more negative comments I got from others, the more depressed I became.

One day, I even wanted to end it all. But could only end up swallowing two sleeping pills from my brother's cabinet. None knew about my suicidal tendencies. They arose maybe out of my extremely nervous disposition. I would shiver literally when called to answer a question in class. A hopeless case really!

I couldn't do my post grad due to the same reason. I began working in a company. Both my friends got married and here I was left in this totally male dominated office. Not one female to give me company. Terrifying!

I had days of lots of work, but some days of very little. Having nothing to do, I began reading, "The power of positive thinking."
I liked it. So I began meditating on some portions of the Bible kept nearby. I began repeating the words several times a day. Loudly at times. One sentence I repeated often was, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

This had a powerful effect on me. For as I began meditating on it, my mind got diverted from myself to what He is. I began to see myself slowly as He sees me, not as others viewed me, but according to what His word tells me I am. Not by circumstances would I be influenced anymore.

Weeks passed. I noticed a spring in my step. The old thought pattern would surface from time to time. But they'd soon be replaced by an apt Word. I felt lighter and happier and definitely more confident.

Some years into my marriage, was when I got my real breakthrough. That was in the south at a retreat, when I actually encountered His presence in a huge way. Some kind of darkness fled from me one day, as they prayed. I knew it. I've never been the same since then. That was 1998.

He got transferred almost immediately to Mumbai from Delhi. It was also the time when my dreams began. I started seeing warning dreams, those of impending danger in the real future. I saw dreams of people who'd come across my path, even before they'd appear.

The very first warning was the night our things were getting transported to Mumbai. I woke up in the middle of the night, with the word, truck looming on my mind. I prayed a small prayer for protection of our stuff and went back to sleep. I didn't know what else to do. It was all new to me.

The next morning, the transport guy called my in laws' home and informed hubby that our truck broke down on the way at night. But our things were safe. Whew!
If someone tells me he doesn't believe in the supernatural, he's got to be kidding!

Well, to make things short, my dreams continued. I continued getting guidance from my Friend. One day I was called to give my first speech in church for Easter Sunday. I was a case of nerves already, but something kept telling me I must go ahead.

It was an awesome experience really, standing in front of that tiny room, with about 20 people. For the first time I felt so free. Hey, it's not scary out here, I thought, as I peered over at the crowd. The words flowed with ease. They loved it.

My confidence grew. Now I do it frequently, sharing out of God's word. To a bigger gathering. And I don't shiver anymore. That's maybe what He's called me to do, besides writing of course.

As I look back, I must thank God for His word, that I also use in many of my articles now. It gave me life and a definite purpose for living.

Its definitely powerful.
An extremely effective antidepressant too.