"Tell me, when will I die ?", she said, and leaned forward to give her left hand, smiling.
I am not an expert in palmistry, but I learned some rules and predictions from my grandmother.
But who was I to answer questions like these ? We mostly decide our own fate, and sometimes Someone Else does.
"Why do you say like that ?"
I gazed at the twinkle in her eyes. Oh I wish I had Eternity bless me with only the look of her eyes. It was as if the Grace of this world was resting inside her eyes. With the innocence that she bit her lower lip, unaware of whether she would be able to live long, or whatever ... It was as if she did not care whether she actually lived, or would live or die ... May be she just wanted to know. She wore a white graceful dress that day. And the obvious funks were trying hard to stop her from seeing me, and me from seeing her. She had this carefully Crafted nose, and an angel's look. I loved Mondays when she would enter the workplace with her shiny and curly hair. Mondays were healthy and shiny for me.
I understood why people say - eyes are the way to a person's heart. And I could see her heart. It was spotless, unassuming, tired of the stereotyped world, wanting something that would give her utmost satisfaction, or something that would take her far away from the emptiness of life ...
With her full sleeve rolled up to her elbow, she had confidently asked me to predict something from her left hand - that something, which was not in my hands.
"I want to know", she said, a bit serious this time.
"How can I say?"
"You know palmistry, right?", she showed that innocent friendly 'angry' expression.
"I am not an expert. I just know the prediction of two kinds of lines perfectly ... "
"Ok, then predict my future based on the two lines that you know, and do it properly. "
I took her left palm. It was wet, and had all these tiny lines, as if they were being made every second since the moment she came to this world. Those lines were so numerous that the actual lines had faded among them ... It was as if the tiny happenings and the ups and downs of her life in this world had completely covered the actual lines, indications of the one that she actually was. And she was amazing when she was herself - unapologetic, confident, yet innocent.
"What are you seeing ? "
"Err ... No. I mean ... These lines ... "
"Confused, right ? ", and she burst out laughing. I had never felt this happy even when I got a job ...
Some expressions are extraordinary, inexpressible and muted, yet can be heard by those who have an impeccable heart.
I managed a smile, trying to capture inside my mind those bits of moments with her. I had never felt better in my life. It was as if someone made me feel that I existed, that I was alive.
Now that she was adamant, I had to wake up the palmistry expert in me, and start predicting ...
I did well. I could answer most of her questions ... It was as if she was experimenting on me ... or the other way round ... I didn't know what was happening, but I was enjoying every moment.
"So, now you know that you have a good life ahead. "
"Pchchch ... ", she frowned. May be she did not believe me. May be I did not look deep in those lines. Those lines that claim to steer our lives through the crests and troughs of our hand, in this land.
We sat there, motionless. We thought about this world, about our life, and how muted it was, presently. I looked at her, and she looked at me. We shared feeble expressionless smiles, as if we were obligated to.
And then she looked at her left palm. She had this beautiful silver watch that decorated her left hand.
And then she looked at me, and smiled.
"You are so innocent, how is that possible ? Will you believe whatever I say ? ", I just wanted to know.
"I don't believe in anyone. I just believe in God. ", she managed to fake.
She did believe me. And I knew it. And she knew that I knew. May be we are made to fake others so that our inner feelings always remain with us. May be they are so precious that only a few qualified ones are allowed to enter them. May be they are never to be touched at all.
Or may be they never existed !
May be I needed to look in between the lines. I wanted to know what she wanted from life. She was a good person. Her best attribute was concern for others. She was a master in it. And I loved it. And she had these black rimmed glasses which made her all the more intelligent and more beautiful whenever she wore them. She was mostly dull whenever I used to see her. At once she would be cheering up like festival crackers. But on some days she would be as if she had something to say, but she had little faith in anyone. I wanted to ask her the reason. Everyone has some reasons, some issues, which others think are not so important. It happens when we try to listen to others and then start comparing and judging.
I was none of them.
I wished He should bring all happiness and contentment in life, or bring her something that she felt was lacking.
I might have discussed with her ... But who was I to enter her heart ? I was just one of those million tiny lines on her left hand ... May be only a mere passing cloud ... But I always made sure I gave enough rain of affection on her ... the affection that my parents had always advised to shower on someone who was in distress, or in need of the love that we now-a-days proudly claim to have, but we really do not.
We all go through a stage called emptiness ... It generally occurs at 3 to 4 years of our professional life. It may stop after we marry, or it may linger over a long time. May be for all of us IT people. After a few years in job, the relative distance and time between you and your friends, your loved ones and acquaintances increases. And you make new friends, new relatives, new loved ones. But it is not that deep a feeling. Relationships are shallow here. And you cannot believe anybody here. You are forced to be inside yourself, without opening your heart to anyone ... And why would you at all, because you come here to work ...
There are people at workplace who have millions of concerns and issues in life. It is not that I am telling that we should go, discuss and come to a conclusion. Sometimes a listening and empathizing heart is all that matters. And a little priority.
We run so fast now-a-days that we forget to feed ourselves with the love and time that is showered unconditionally as a blessing by a few people along the road of our journey. They are few. But they are there.
She taught me innocence - the basic quality that proves the existence of humanity. I learned confidence from her - to confront the decisions of life come whatever may.
You are lost in the crowd of ruthless consumerism. You try hard to make both ends meet. Yet they do not. Sometimes it feels like there's nothing in life to be happy about. And then somebody with that amazing charm, beauty and liveliness, disturbs you from the lull of life, makes you feel existent, brings a light of hope of survival, and then calmly fades from your life into Time.
Anyways, who am I ?
I am just a passing cloud in her life - but I make sure I give enough rain ...
