I'm married to the perfect man.
Ask anyone.
Ask anyone who knows us they'll say that we are the example of a successful marriage.
Our kids are beautiful, smart and well behaved.
We have a nice house and both drive nice cars.
He's well-liked by everyone and is known for being a generous, nice guy with a kind disposition.
We've been married for 16 years and we have 2 children together.
I came into the relationship with 2 other children from a previous relationship (a marriage that thankfully never happened).
That relationship ended horribly and was abusive.
A now apparent pattern in my life.
I left him (my children's father) many times only to return and for the cycle to keep going again.
Finally one day I had enough and left him for good - only to be single, 19, with 2 very young beautiful children.
After this relationship ended, I went on a tumultuous journey of homelessness, bipolar disorder, parental abandonment, anxiety (PTSD) and a marriage to another abusive man.
After I left my first marriage, I decided for myself that for the sake of my children, I would focus on our livelihoods and happiness and let the rest fall where it may.
In walks Mr. Perfect.
The most beautiful eyes I've ever seen with a demeanor that could lull a baby to sleep.
So charismatic and smart - witty smart, he can really think on his feet.
My future husband, Mr. Perfect is loved by most, that's for sure.
He's the kind of guy that can cheat on you and convince you it's your fault because you're so awful and he's just too perfect to do anything wrong.
I digress...
When we met, I was still legally married to my first husband (abusive man number 2, number one is my oldest kids father).
My ex had just gotten out of jail (for our final 'domestic dispute') and I had (finally) gotten my own apartment.
He was sniffing around and I had a moment of weakness and allowed in my house and as you can guess, could not get him to leave.
While he was there, I began to realize I could no longer stand the sight of him.
I wanted him gone and didn't want him touching me (he had cheated on me constantly during our marriage and didn't bother to hide it - even advised I accept it and be his 'main' woman).
Needless to say, that statement catapulted my exit from that.
Domestic violence, robbery and stupidity lead to his arrest that he was(at this point) just released from.
Mr. Perfect was really into me and was clearly the jealous type. I hung around a few guys - many of whom were friends since middle and high school (I'd always been tomboyish) as I was still pretty young then - and single.
Now that you have a bit of the history of the time we met, you can 1, see how complex and crazy things were at that time - factor into this AGE (we were 22 & 21 respectively) and 2, I was in a place mentally that I really didn't want a relationship with anyone. I had just ended my first marriage and was a young mom of two.
So while I am struggling to get my ex husband out of my house without a fight ensuing, Mr. Perfect is beginning to come on strong about wanting my ex out - so I feel pressure and obligation.
Mind you, I've only known Mr. Perfect for about 2-3 weeks now, and my ex husband has been at my house maybe a week.
Long story short, I finally get him (my ex) out of the house then Mr. Perfect and I start, e'hem, 'courting'.
Four months later I'm pregnant, we move in together, we get married 3 years later and have another baby five years later out of state.
Yes, we moved out of state.
By this time I was fat and depressed.
I was having really bad bipolar mood swings, in therapy, on meds, suicidal, hallucinating.
One day in therapy, as I went on and on about how my parents were my problem (they played a tremendous part in our marriage early on), she says to me:
"It seems to me your husband is your problem."
I was confused.
I'd only told her glowing things about my husband and how he encouraged me to get help.
How I feel safe when he's around and how much I adore him.
I didn't tell her how I had a constant knot in my stomach over my constant shuffle between keeping him happy and keeping my parents happy.
It wasn't' working and my fantasy of two happy families joined by a marriage was quickly fading away.
Maybe because she's a therapist - and a good one - she was able to see right through my bullshit.
I never went back to see her again after that day.
I was 1000 miles away from home and pregnant with my 4th child and married to an abusive, controlling "Mr. Perfect". I couldn't have her shatter the delusions I had built on the perfect man I was married to.
To be continued...
