Moving On.

Sitting with my laptop in my room, in a dull winter afternoon and going through my mails. Everyone in the house has gone out for shopping, so obvious; ‘tis a Sunday after all. I chose to stay home, something is not really right with me today. Scrolling down my mailbox, I come across a mail from Ani. I feel uneasy and devastated. The same feeling of rush in my adrenaline which I had felt six months back started haunting me again. I don’t know what is going inside me but I go to the chats I had with Ani in the past year and start reading all of them and in no time I realize that I have tears in my eyes.
Six months had gone by, since I had talked to him. Ani, he was my best friend, love, boyfriend, guide, hommie, what may you call it. Two years spent with him were magical. It all started over the phone. I was with someone else then when I started talking to him. Ani was my boyfriend’s friend. My boyfriend at that time never understood me and I wasn’t really happy because he never listened to me, or tried to know me better, there was something missing. That is when Ani came in. Nights after nights on the phone. There was no flirting, just sharing of each other. We were talking out everything within us. I never realized what it was leading to. We started hanging out, visiting places together , running around and having fun. I could relate to him. He was so like me. I had to leave my boyfriend and I proposed Ani, at first he wasn’t ready because my ex was his friend and moreover he had gone through a worse relationship, but then, he was in love too, how long could he deny? And then it was, our journey together started.
My friends were amazed seeing me being so serious for a guy. I was never the ‘hopeless romantic’ persona. But then, he intoxicated me. Ani loved me more than I was crazy for him. He was the one who was the happiest if I got a prize in anything or scored good. I left my drinking for him, and changed myself for the good. My parents were even happy with this relationship I shared with him. I could never talk about even leaving him, he would stop talking to me if I ever did. He would never tolerate me close to any other man and would do his best to help me in any way he can, from studies to choosing clothes, to my betterment of my relationship with my parents. We made sweet love, he roamed together, danced together, played chess and basketball with each other; he was my best friend. I did not need anyone back then. He cooked for me whenever I was at his place. I wore his shirt and watched TV while he was fidgeting in the kitchen. My life was a bliss then.
A year had passed by, things were the same, the spark was still there but I made a tremendous mistake. I felt so badly in love that I went too soft on him. No matter what he did, I never shouted on him, I never enquired about his whereabouts and blindly trusted him. One fine day, at his place, when he was in the bathroom , I checked his phone and what I saw killed me. He had gone out for a movie with a girl I never heard about and then they went to her place. I was in tears. Ani came out and saw me, he understood everything seeing the phone in my hand. He sat there silently and I cried and cried. I decided to leave and just when I got up, he was down on his knees, saying that he wanted to forget me because he thought he wasn’t good enough for me and that he would never meet her and he loves me, he held me and started crying bad. I couldn’t see him that way and forgave him, in spite of everything I just had seen. Two months had gone by, Ani was becoming more and more arrogant. Problems had developed at his place and he was changing himself completely. I met him, begged him to be himself, told him things would be fine, everyone faces difficulties. But nothing worked. He was already lost in a world which wasn’t right. We rarely spoke, and when we did, we ended up fighting and him abusing me nastily.
It was our second year anniversary, and I decided to start afresh. I called him in the midnight, there was no answer. I texted him, there wasn’t any reply. Next day, after coming back home, I called him and wished him, he was nonchalant towards me and kept the phone. I opened my facebook account and visited his profile. I saw that he was tagged in a pic with a girl who was almost on top of him and they were smiling at the camera, it was of course a selfie and they were at his place! Moreover, it was the same girl whom he visited earlier. I immediately texted him and asked him about her, what he told me was ridiculous. He was sleeping around with her and having fun and he didn’t want love shit anymore in his life. I cut the phone, had tranquilizers and got badly drunk.
It was over, I saw him in New Year’s eve, we shared the same group of friends after all. He kept on gazing at me. I ignored. He texted me after I was home that he wanted to mend things and start with a friendship. I ignored. I still loved him but nothing is more important than my dignity, career and self respect. I was soft to him, he misused it and took me for granted. Somewhere I hope he has changed and realized his mistake.
I still love him and I am thankful to him for giving the best time of my life, and definitely making me a better person. Life goes on, and some people just come in to change you, and leave. They are just like the catalysts. They are never there but their presence teaches you a lot of things and you then you are stronger and more matured.
And for sure, I did not stop believing in love or relationships. So what if this boy left me in pain? I can't stop myself from feeling those butterflies again in my tummy just because someone wasn't good to me because every relation and every person is different. You have to let yourself go and live with the flow. Feel everything and learn to let it go because whatever happens, happens for the good. Be happy and learn from every experience. Keep smiling because you don't have any clue about how long you are going to live.
And I realized, I feel uneasy today, cause it's the 24th, the day me and Ani got together, Does not matter, move on!