No one likes being jealous. You're afraid you might replace or you might lose a relationship. You feel insecure.
Having a relationship with a jealous person is also difficult. The jealous person does anything to make sure you still like him or her. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.
Meir Ezra on jealousy creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate and fear. Jealous people do not think clearly. They can even act a little insane.
What causes jealousy?
"Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them."
-- L. Ron Hubbard
When you are jealous, you worry a line of communication exists with your spouse or lover that is hidden from you. The mystery causes the pain.
Friendships and business relationships can also include jealousy. You worry your best friend has a better friendship with someone else and hides this from you. You worry your best client is working with someone else who might replace you.
Hidden communication lines or mysteries make you think of questions. "Will she find someone she likes better than me?" "Is he having an affair?" "Is he/she going to find someone better than me?"
The mystery makes you assume the worst. "Maybe he'll fall in love with his cute receptionist and leave me." "My favorite salesperson might be going to lunch with her old boss because she wants to work for him instead of me." "How come he didn't call me? Does he like someone better than me?"
How to Dissolve Jealousy
"Communication is the root of marital success from which a strong union can grow, and non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash out her keel*" -- L. Ron Hubbard
(*Keel: The main structural part of a ship that goes from bow to stern-front to back.)
If you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and start asking questions. Communicate your feelings so you can work out solutions.
Bob says to his wife, "I don't want to feel this jealously. I want to get rid of it by asking you a question, okay? Good. So are you attracted to Joe?"
His wife says, "Heavens no! Joe just wanted some help with his son. I love YOU like crazy!"
Bang! The hidden communication is revealed. The mystery is resolved. Bob feels much better.
If Bob doesn't communicate, his wife's communication with Joe makes Bob jealous, afraid and angry. Their marriage suffers.
Chris says to her boss, "Are you interviewing people to replace me?" The boss says, "No, I thought you'd like an assistant." Or maybe the boss says, "Well, yes, I don't think this job is right for you." Either way, the communication is out in the open so Chris can deal with it.
If someone is jealous of you, you can help this person by making your communications open and available. "Would you like to read this letter from Jill?" "Can you meet with Joe to help with his son?" "Would you like to join us for lunch?"
1. Are you jealous of someone? What communication is hidden from you?
2. Is someone jealous of you? What communication might be hidden from him or her?
In either case, add communication and watch the jealousy disappear!
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