It took me a year and half, just to talk to her. I fell in love on the day one itself when I first saw her. She looked so in to that, her half round smiling face, curly hairs was all life like. I feared badly, whenever she used to look at me, I just used to ignore her. I used to curse myself for doing that. What she might about me? However after many days I just managed to smile at her and the same is what she used to do. But it our conversations were mildly restricted to mere eye contacts and half smiles. This was the condition and I thought it would not move further.
But all happened in a invigorating way. Maybe the situation was not the best. One of my friend (common) and she was her friend too, the father of mine and her friend had expired. So as usual the mourning was at peak. We both were present at hand. We took a little time to console her. Then came the moment, she just thanked me for coming and I was like ‘It’s ok, she is my good friend too.’
Then as it always happens, she gave me her and I gave her my number. We are lucky that we are in the technical era. Imagine the time, if there would have been no cell phones. It would have been a burden to the all ongoing messengers. Big thanks to Graham bell. Well, rigorous text messaging followed. We used to chat like maybe late till midnight. So eventually we connected and we became friends. We started to hangout, and then do combined studies. Moreover I knew all her secrets. But I never told her mine though, but what many people didn’t know about me was what she knew. So it was kind of cool. I liked the feel of it or the way it sounds.
I don’t how a year passed. We became like truly best and best of friends. Maybe it was like we were meant to be together. She was the only who used to scold me, hold me and scold me again if I wore weird dresses. Once she told me, ‘You are the one person that I would rather not give up.’ Now that was enough for me. I decided to keep it friendship. Maybe it was something more than that, more than love, purity. Little fights that we used to have were of zero matter and we used to patch up soon. Because we knew that we both can’t last without talking to each other. So it sustained.
Ego is not that good. I have a big one. Maybe I have OCD. When I get close to someone, I just feel like I own them, I feel them as mine. I am way possessive. That’s why I can sometimes turn bad. I used to fucking hate it whenever someone used to stare at her or if she used to talk with someone. That’s because I knew those bastards only needed a chance. I kind of used to freak out, and used to act weirdly with her. That was the problem. Fucking ego. It was not late when I once saw her with a boy. I just walked ignorantly. At night it was she who called me and told me about that guy. She told me that he was ex boyfriend, but she broke up with him and now explaining me how changed he was and other bullshits and I could not fucking take it anymore and I just ended her call.
Maybe I was acting like a fool, but I don’t know why but it hurts just to think she shared this with some asshole. I just couldn't tolerate it. I stopped talking to her. She was like all over me for what was wrong with me. She sent hundreds of text message and she called and cried. But I don’t know why I am like this, a fucking male egoist.
Maybe I should talk and tell her the reason I am so fucked up or maybe I should leave.
Or Maybe?
