Why it happen's that whenever we try something good in life everything comes back to the same place where i stood five year back.
A boy who was a simple but never thought about real life. He was passionate to meet anyone who is better than him and who is ready to listen to him because this person talks so much that even donkey can loose the battle when talking to him. He motivated people so that they can achieve what he always tried and failed.
Why this world never understand the simple way of explaining things. they choose the complex way which makes everyone's life in the same path which i dreamt five years back. I am standing in the same path where i waited for a simple girl five years to tell me once " I love you" but my luck " i think i am the unluckiest one who god hates more than anyone" . Because whenever i start expecting from someone, he just says that i am not of your type.
I am an atheist from last 5 years.Not celebrated diwali,my birthday or any such festival. Is this the way to live. Yes i have choosen this is the right way to curse myself everyday and take pain from god everyday. I stand to take all the pain you give me god. ( atheist)
Right now i am in a postion where people can easily understand that i am suffering from psychotic behaviour. Bald head with lot of other symptoms and confusion to understand the reality and unreality. Although everyday i come out of house to give me satisfaction that today i will work hard, Everything goes in vain when i reach to a place which is considered a hell now.
There is no shoulder to reach to me and say "dude everything will be alright". Anyways i wanted to run away from every city where i lost someone because of either my mistake or someone's mistake. Today when i speak to myself and say that i am not a right person to have friend or even parents because i don't respect anyone. I always had a doubt, why relationship never worked for me "did i do something wrong, what did i do wrong, did i give the pain to someone, did i hurt someone". My feelings for my parent is null i think ...my dad got hurt couple of days back and i never asked him "dad how are you?" "dad should i take you to the hospital". Whenever he see's my face " he thinks that it was better not to have a kid than having one like this who doesn't know what is responsibility, and respecting people "., Yes but i don't cry, I Just go and close my room's door and watch someone who just took everything from me. Did she write something ? About me ? Did her friend still likes me? . I come to writer babu to see what everyone of her friends are doing. Are they writing some shit or something beautiful which i can understand.
I feel everyday that why did he sent me here. People say everyone has a purpose to come here. Today when i went to play tennis match , I met this guy next to me and told him that "i love someone and i am not able to forget her. I will leave this city. I am not able to forget her in anyways". I have to study and also i have to do something in life and to do that it's necessary that i should take my mind off from her. He looked nice and spoke quite well to me. He told "why do you care dude ? just don't leave this place.Get a beautiful chick and show your girlfriend". "He also described them bitches ". I stopped him gently dude and told "first of all there is no bitch ,everyone is a human being and everyone does a mistake" . I also told him its not because of only her, its because of me that it didn't work . I never understood how much she loved me".
I told once to my best friend when i was in school - Her mom asked "when are you going to get married ". I told Aunty " i want to become devdas". Her mom replied "what". The same friend got engaged this year with a person from "IIM". He is tamilian but my sis told he doesn't look good but he is from IIM. Her parents didn't accept because she was a north indian and this boy was tamilian and therefore they didn't call my parents too.. She called my sister but did not ask me to even come to her marriage. I was the only friend she had when we did our schooling and college together.
Yes today i sit alone and write in this place because this is not i want in life. I wanted a lot of friends who think like me, but this world is different. the friends are different. They enjoy pulling legs. Although for me the life is like just small thing, for everyone its money .I give my money to the people who need it because i never wanted money. I wanted friends whom i can talk and i can share and i can smile with them and they can smile with me. My dad always talk about "the money",My sister talks about money and my mom the same but when i hear them i avoid and reach to my room and think "i don't want to stay with anyone because for me money is not everything". Its just the way to survive in this world.
whenever i start any topic with my dad that i am going to do this today . He tells "have you ever done anything correct in your Life". For couple of month's my mom prays for me that i will get better because she knows i am suffering from something wrong. My dad tells that "lets take you to the counsellor" but i refuse them . she is firm believer of "mata rani " and she tells me don't eat non-veg during navratri. I tell her mom "why do you make me believe in your mata rani".Yes you kept this thread in my neck of that "saraswati maa" because you think that it will help me from all dangerous situations but it never does.Mom loves me so much but she will never understand that there is no god in this world. Like my girlfriend who thinks her god will give her one day her love but thats not going to happen.
I never knew what was love. It was just a simple three word phrase for me "i love you" and other person should say me "i love you" thats it . We are lovers now . But somebody made me realise that love is not just that three words but it is about a big commitment where you cannot leap but you have to stand in every difficulty with your girlfriend. I never fell in love may be . All the love was just very simple but this love taught me everything . May be i will understand about relationship after what she did with me.
Now i am not alone there is someone with me , she and her friends who always critisizes but loves me more than they critisize me. I know they love me and I will keep loving them . I always ask god that "if you want me to curse do that but please , take care of my girlfriend and her two friends" who i gave a lot of pain and they will remain in my heart for how long i don't know but they stand every chance . I care for all of you and my care is love for all of you. You will always be in my heart , in my blood or may be in my every part of body . Because you can not go from this body.
