Dear lost one,
Once again I sit here, wondering if I even want these messages to be found by you.
I have prayed time and again to be allowed to move on from your memories.
Memories which are so glorious that I am yet to experience anything that would give my mind greater joy. So how exactly do I move on?
Anyway, I find this indulgence of mine- of writing to you, placing this twisted hope of being found again by you; a guilty pleasure. Like a masochistic activity. And yet, the pain of writing to you is so much worth it when I relive the memories of our days together.
Of your hand over mine.
Your smile directed at me.
Your gentle eyes.
I remember the first time I told you I was falling for you.
You knew it, and still pretended to not know. And God! Your surprise was such a lie. Well, you are a bad liar after all. But we started going out some time later, if I remember correctly.
And then began the wildest days of my life.
I fulfilled all my fantasies. The silly fantasies of the innocent heart.
A kiss under a tree in the first rain.
A scandalous peck on the forehead in a risqué situation.
The first time we held hands.
Getting caught by a senior sharing an umbrella. (not a fantasy, but fun, nevertheless)
Keeping our relationship a secret....
Followed by late night trips to a nearby mall. Late night returns.
But we were guarded, for the insecurity of the future loomed over us like the elephant in the room.
These unnecessary details. Pointless and insignificant now. They remain as memories.
I am so scared I will lose these insignificant memories.
I value them my dear. So when and if you find these letters... I hope they remind you of the time we shared.
And even though my head is full of thoughts of you, a day will come when days will pass and a passing couple might remind me of you or us. But always remember, every time I think of you, I will send light and love your way.
May you find me when you are at your lowest. May you be always be a part of my prayers.
May you be the last memory to fade from my mind.
(Wish I was) yours,
X
