The bus is about to leave. Still unsure if I wanted to do it; I uncomfortably move to my seat. Perhaps, I must get down or de-board at the next stoppage. Doubts lurk in my mind; my self confidence deceiving me in the most important hour of my life. 'It is STUPID,' my self- conscious warns me, but I vehemently ignore it. I really want to do this.
It is raining now; the dusty roads now washed away by the little drops. I stare out and breathe in the freshness of the aura, I feel like a female protagonist in a Bollywood movie- sad and melancholy. A voice startles me.
'Mind closing that window? I'm getting drenched!'
He was a young guy, most probably six to seven years older than me.
'I like this rain. Go and sit somewhere else if you want to. The bus is almost empty. I'm not closing the window!' I snapped and resumed my observation of the drenched concrete around. I could feel my anger welling up within me and I tell myself that snapping at the stranger was the most appropriate thing I did. Absent minded, I turn around only to find him still sitting beside me.
'Where are you going?' he asks and to be honest, I'm pissed off at his question.
'To Dhanbad. That is where the bus is going to!' , I reply curtly. Now will you please STOP talking and let me stare out of the window? My inner voice screams at him, but I prefer to be silent. I've been rude enough. The last thing I want is to pick up a fight with the stranger.
'I think have seen you before,' he continues his blabbering.
GOD! A pick-up line? He's trying a pick-up line on me? Screw him man!
'Good for you. But I sincerely hope I don't see any more of you. Now will you please leave me alone?' I say that aloud and everybody in the bus is staring at me now.
His face turns an embarrassing shade of red and I feel sorry for him. I wonder if I should tell him. Tell him that I’m leaving behind this city forever.
I don’t even know if he’ll understand. After all, he is all but a stranger. That fact still didn’t give me any relief; I was leaving Bokaro. I was leaving him behind me.
He was the city to me. Bokaro wasn’t mine anymore.
I tried hard to push back those unwelcome thoughts plugging the earphones deeper; trying to gather some positive thoughts to cling to. Desperately. Because we need hope to survive.
But what struck me deep down, as the rain drenched my face was the fact that I was still seventeen . I had lost nothing in life so far. I had one thing and one very crucial thing at that, to my advantage. Time.
The landscape of Bokaro whizzed passed in an infinite wrap of time. I focus on the song that started playing next, and I have tears. Real, wet ones. But, I am happy that I’m crying. Finally letting go.
It was that track from ZNMD.
“Der lagi lekin maine ab hai jeena seekh lia “
The guy on the bus gets down at the next stop. I wonder what if I had let him know. But, he is just a stranger. He won’t understand.
My heart whispers to me.
