The mumbles and giggles crawled along through the silence of the hall, Decorated by newness, strange implied protocols, and unknown people with unknown personalities. All the things that knocked me off my comfort zone. My discomfort inspired questions. I started questioning everything that I disliked. Now that I sit here in my new office chair, resting my troubled back, I look at the sealing and started to wonder again.
Doubts flooded my thoughts, why wouldn't it? after all it had somehow become a habit over time. Despite of all my efforts to make a right decision, life always gifted me with utter disappointments. Sometimes it felt as if being deliberately put into the situation just so the universe can make fun of me and my decisions. I know I am supposed to learn from the mistakes of past, but no matter how much I improved, I was still miles away. I still kept on improving, Putting all my efforts I could and finally hit a huge impenetrable wall of infinite possible mistakes.At this point, I couldn't help but laugh out of ridicule. I couldn't help but imagine laughter that never existed. A sense of being smothered had its fun with me as well. I felt the coldness of those ignored eyes I so desperately wanted to look at me. Why I asked, slowly looking at the mirror, I failed to find any noticeable quality worth watching or draw interest what so ever. No wonder those eyes ignored. I had to change. Something or everything, it had to be either or both. In this world of infinite possibilities where everything becomes just something as time drags on, I knew now that changing everything was the only way. I started to kick it all out one by one. My job, my fear of unknown, my compromises with self, and finally knocked myself out of comfort zone. I started searching for a better paying job, fought for things I wasn't sure I was capable of, decided to invest in myself. Somehow I ended up taking the decision and joined the job that was a bit off my true desire but somehow had better pay and stable environment than the previous one. As easily inspired as always, I set some really high expectations. Lot of other factors had its affect on it as well. However When I was slowly hit by reality, My short lived satisfaction deteriorated. My newly found smile had its fade again. After all my sacrifices and bold steps, risks, All I end up doing was being drifted in the wrong direction. I couldn't help but laugh out of disgust. It was too late, the universe had its laugh out of me again. I was now fed up and tired. Perhaps this is where I stopped caring, about many things, about self, about future, about dreams I so desperately desired and about the fact that the universe never truly cared about this mediocre me. Despite of all my disappointments, I cant help but hope for something again. Just for an extra reason to live.and smile. Maybe just, Maybe the universe actually cared, maybe reaching my dream was actually possible and maybe I was too quick to judge. I think its Time alone that can expose the hidden intentions of the universe if there are any. Either way, all I cant truly do at this point is to wait.
