Joy. For her it is not in the heights of buildings, glittering jewellery or branded attires, for her joy is something which is beyond any explanation. The experience of inner happiness was experienced by her for the very first time when she helped a blind girl to reach her school safely or helped out two kids when they were afraid of two fighting aggressive dogs. Now, it doesn't matter to her if these things made her look as she is not real. The kind of joy that she realizes is very much hidden, not to be seen and only affecting the person on the receiving end. She doesn't understand the notion where the most intense form of happiness becomes the part of everyone's knowledge, may be she is shy or is afraid of coming out of the closet where she will have to face a world which will question her most honest intentions for which she may not be ready, as she does the same questioning continuously to herself.
For her joy doesn't exist in the clubs with hundreds of people around, the way the darkness of night opens up the pours of her mind, it couldn't match with sitting in a room with ten people around blocking her thoughts, overpowering her and making her understand that the world around her is not like as she perceived it to be. The nature of joy for her is non-definable, it comes with the appropriate amount of food that she has been craving for weeks, getting a book on a cheap price which she desired for years or the way innocence is reflected in the eyes of 3 months old. To understand her, you don't have to cultivate her thoughts or your own as she likes to keep those thoughts to herself. For her joy is reading about a woman who goes against everything to make her stand, for her joy is imagining herself as that woman who gets the equal respect as her other counterparts. The expectation of receiving this inner happiness becomes narrow when she sees things around her, where every intention is questioned and where the wrong doings are always celebrated but the courage of diverse people who are struggling for their daily survival keeps her going, for her joy is those people.
Happiness could not be consisted in big gestures, it comes and goes in a moment where they are almost unnoticeable. Its character of slow revelation is the joy that keeps her going.
