I was already in Love with far too many things in my life when you appeared out of nowhere flashing your sparkling white teeth in your customary broad smile and in no time became an indispensable part of my Existence. I was doing perfectly fine when you walked in and showed me how being Happy was better than being Fine. You stayed up with me at nights when I could not sleep. You told me that my boisterous laughter is probably the best sound you have ever heard. You called me names and I gave you some too. And that very moment, You became a Some-One from just a Some-Thing. That’s the Thing about names; You became Everything from just Nothing. I was already in Love with far too many things in my life when you made me fall in love with you and I did not know how not to.
You made me spin a world of my own imagination where you were there right beside me, holding my hand, as I walked through the Roller Coaster moments of my life. You were there for every visit to the Movies, for every birthday celebration, for every cupcake getaway, for every romantic Lunch. You were there, every day, week after week and year after year. While I was looking for ways to paint my imagination with colors of realism, you walked up and said, “I have to go”.
I still remember how, in the next few days, the distance between us grew from ‘10 minutes of walking distance’ to a ‘3 hour flight’. My world was worlds apart from yours and the only thing that connected them were ‘Words’. From Marathon phone conversations to emails, from recorded voice messages to handwritten letters, I tried to fit in as many words as I possibly could to remind you of how, back here, I was waiting for you. Every time that a call summary appeared on my phone or every time I sprayed the fragrance I wear, on letters before posting them to You, there was an ache. My Mind would reflexively start a slideshow of the times we spent together and with every fading picture, I Hated You.
There were times when I would want to run into your arms and cry like a baby but all I could do at the Most was a skype call. I could see you across a screen, have you that close to my eyes but still not touch you. Movies now meant Synchronizing the Play and Pause Buttons of Two Laptops in two different cities. The Only shared meals were the ones I savored in my memory. Birthdays meant Gifts and cards and messages but not YOU. And in all those moments, I Hated YOU.
I remember days when I would stand outside the ‘Arrivals’ at the airport, scanning faces to find yours and cursing every second that passed by because we had Only a limited time before we had to part again.Your brief, sudden or planned visits would bring me Days of love and happiness that sketched new pictures which needed to be imprinted until your next visit. And in all those Moments of Longing I hated You.
But What I Hated the Most was That I could never Hate You.
No matter how many times You left me crying and missing You or How many days we had a conversation that lasted two minutes flat. No matter how many times the opposites in us didn’t attract or How many times You took me for granted, I could Just Not Hate You.
Because I know that it was as difficult for you. I know there were times when even you wanted to cry because you missed me but rather decided to be the stronger one. I know that you Longed for me every time you asked me for a picture when I was going out. I know you missed my guffaws when you constantly tried to make me laugh. I know you are as incomplete without me when you come back to me every day for peace, comfort and LOVE.
It was never going to be easy I guess But I am waiting for the day It turns out to be worth it.
Till Then,
I hate you, it is true!
But not as much as
Not as Strongly as
Not as madly as
I Love You :*
