Found and Lost

I stared at the monitor, thinking whether I should curse and scream or simply give in to the brimming tears...How could he do this to me? It always has to be a man.

We were friends before, a long time back. We came from different backgrounds and somehow met. At first, I wouldn't look at him. I was shy and afraid to. But somehow, he got me to talk. And once we started talking, we wouldn't shut up. But for me, he was someone I could talk to about almost anything, a really good friend.

Then life happened. I had to concentrate on studies and slowly lost contact with the one good friend I had. I don't know what happened to him. I didn't know how to contact him.

Time passed. I got married, had children. My children got old enough to carry on with their lives, without me breathing down their necks. My husband found his books and other hobbies. I took to Facebook, just to find some old friends and keep my children close, virtually at least.

One day, he found me. All those fond memories came back. I was very happy to "see" him. We started to talk about our lives. I found out he was married, had a couple of kids. But his wife passed away recently. That he too took to Facebook to find reasons to keep his mind occupied. That I was on his mind but he too didn't know where I was. And then, he found me...

May be we just pretend to have a nice normal conversation about the plants in the garden or some facts he read about. May be we are not just friends, but soulmates. I never wanted to breach that boundary. I guess I am too much of a coward. And then, one day, there was silence.

I didn't hear from him since a week. At first, I didn't take it seriously. Then I got worried, then upset. I asked a mutual friend if she heard from him. She replied, "Didn't you know? He died last week...heart attack. It was all very sudden." I didn't hear anything else. We had planned to meet soon. Now I don't feel anything...