As a young girl, I was very stereotypical I knew I wanted to find that someone that I was going to get married. I knew the exact way I was going to get married. Like every girl I had every plan of my love life planned out.
When we were around people and I could not stop talking about how I was going to fall in love and get married, my mom would always say to the people “ I hope she’ll be a fool -- that’s the best thing a girl can be in the world a beautiful little fool”. I never understood what that saying really meant, till now.
Now twenty year later I have have lost that part of me that had her whole wedding planned out, or was dying to find that love of my life, but at the time I didn’t know that the part of me that was missing was this. Now as an adults I was very stereotypical, I get up at the crack of dawn and going out to face the real world. Once I got up, I very lazily got ready for the job that I thought was exciting but after two years it became a routine. I could feel that there was some part of me that I knew I wanted more out of life and I was missing something from the life I was living.
As the work day continued at the largest advertising company in boston,I was doing the normal routine that has become a natural habit doing paper work and filing my heart away. I was waiting for something to happen to change my normal life. Today was not that day at least it didn’t seem like it at first. I was about to clock out for the day when I ran into my boss, like not figuratively but I learned that looking down at your phone is not a good idea. After I apologized multiple times,my boss told me that there was an opportunity for me to help on the next big advertising project. It was my big break I was finally getting out of my daily routine and hopefully get that part of that was missing that I thought went away from my very average life.
I thought it would be a nice way to go out and celebrate my new opportunity by going out with a few of my friends to a local cafe. As I got to my favorite cafe I was all of my friends there they were with their significant others. I was the only one out of all my friends that didn’t have a significant other. At first it was upsetting being the only single person out of the group of friends, but I have done that dating thing for a few years. I have given up on dating, after you go on so many dates that have either ended horrible or never went anywhere after three dates you would give up too. I decided that if anything is going to happen with finding someone it will happen because its meant to happen, not because I’m looking for it.
As the night ended I felt a pair of eye that kept staring at me throughout the night, but as I looked over to where I could feel the pair of eyes from, there was no one there looking at me. So I didn't think much of it. We said our final goodbyes I was walking to catch a taxi when a man approached me, it was a man coming from the coffee shop i could feel when his eyes hit me that he was the one that was staring at me.I looked to get a good look at him but all could see was a silhouette of him. I finally got a good look of him, as me made his way over to where I was standing. This man had a very manly built to him, he towered over me which is not saying much since I was only 5'2. The man was very handsome he looked like a Ryan Reynolds mixed with Bradley Cooper. I had the initial instinct to not to say anything to this man but after trying to hail a taxi the man hailed me one the instinct change. The only thing I could say is thank you, as I moved into the taxi as I was about to shut the door the mystery man told me his name. In a very deep intriguing voice he said "I'm Daniel by the way."
I told him my name and went on my way. In the taxi I couldn't stop thinking about what just happened, things like that don’t happen to me especially if a guy is involved considering I have the worst luck in meeting guys. When I got home I kept thinking about what just happened and I couldn’t forget about it so I finally just had to tell myself to forget about the events of the night.
As I got into the office for the first day on the new project I told myself that I was going to be the first one in the meeting room to make a good impression. I sat in the meeting room sipping on my coffee that I got on the way to the office, then everyone began filling into the meeting room when all of a sudden a familiar face appeared. It was the man for last night it was Daniel. As soon as I saw him walk into the room I felt my heart skip a beat. This feeling was like nothing I have ever felt before it was indescribable, but even with that feeling I brushed it off as if nothing happened and pushed all of those feeling way down and wouldn't let them come up. I was going to be professional no matter what I didn't want to ruin this opportunity that was given to me. During the whole meeting they talked about how we are going to be in different groups working on different part of this project, I did not make eye contact with Daniel once because I could feel his eyes on me. As the people were being assigned into groups I prayed that me and Daniel not in the same group. Some how my wish came true.
My group met and started to get an idea together, I finally was starting to feel excited about work. As the end of the day rolled around I was getting my thing together and I could sense someone standing behind me,it was Daniel. As soon as I turned around I thanked him once again for the taxi.
He told me "It was no big deal it's the least I could do. By the way it would be my honor to take you out for dinner."
My heart just stopped nothing was coming out of my mouth. Finally a yes came out. I gave him my number and left the office. As soon as I got home I could believe what happened. Thoughts of instant regret or doing something bad rushed through my head. So all I could do is put all of my guards up, after every previous relationship I have had made my guards go up higher and higher because they all took a little part of me.
I got a text from Daniel tell me all the details for our date. The night of the date I was getting ready but couldn't help but get very nervous and almost to want to get ready for the date . The thoughts running through my mind were what if he thinks this is a big mistake or doesn't show up. I finally put on my favorite red lipstick that looked perfect with the black playsuit and cardigan I was wearing and unplugged my curling wand, put on a nice pair of heels did one final check in the mirror and thought I looked ok but knew I was never going to be able to convince myself I looked perfect.
As I walked out the door I felt a buzz of my phone and couldn't help but think the worst was about to happen, but it was just my mom checking in on me to see how I was handling life since I don’t get to see her as much a I would like to. With that I was a relieved I could focus on the night ahead. As I made my way into the restaurant I saw Daniel waiting for me he had a very beautiful arrangements of flowers waiting for me.
Daniel greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek and then gave me the flowers some how all of them ended up being my favorite tulips, roses,lilies. The date was so perfect
it was unreal we laughed so much my side hurt, we had so much in common we ended up talking for hours and not even realize the time. As we were say our goodbyes he went in for a kiss I want to but something made me freak out only hug him, and leave as quickly as I could. The thing was that it was not that the date was bad but it was perfect, it seemed almost to perfect and that made me think something was up and freak out.
I got home and couldn't help but start to cry, he one person that I have gone on a date with and enjoyed the whole time and I just ruined it because something made me start to panic. I just sat there crying while my phone buzz a few times, I knew those were texts and I didn't even want to see them because I knew they would be from Daniel. Then my phone started to ring it was a different ringtone then the normal one I have, it was the one I gave to my mom. I knew if I answered the phone she would comfort me, so I did before I could say a word she knew I was upset.
I was telling about what happened than she began to tell me a story.
"When you were a little girl all you wanted was love and to get married. That was the best thing about being young and not know the world and all the hard time that comes with finding that love. That saying I used to tell everyone when you could not stop talking about your future love life meant, I wanted you to grow up and be oblivious to the harsh world of falling in love."
I knew what my mom was talking about all my past relationships all started off great but hurt me and now I know that feeling and I'm very aware of it and very careful about my love life. My mom was right I just need to live without any reality of the harsh world of love.
After I hung up with my mom, and started to think about how to put her words into action. I knew I was tired of living afraid of fall in love, but I didn’t know how to be afraid of being hurt from falling in love.
This next week was rough I still haven’t talked to Daniel since our date, avoiding him at work was so hard. I have gotten so many text and calls from him but I just ignored everything from him. I really liked him but I just need to give myself time to know its going to be ok if you just go head first into falling in love. That night I was sat in my bed reading the newest romance book that came out that has been the rave. As you were getting into it, the main female character was apprehensive about falling in love but did it anyway. That was the last thing you readed, then you when to go check your phone you realized you had another voicemail from Daniel he said “Hi I hope you are ok I haven’t heard from you. I’m sorry if I did anything wrong but if you are up to it I’ll be at park in the center of town if you want to met up and talk.”
After the week of overcoming my fear and reading that someone else can do it too, I knew the only thing I wanted to do is fall in love with no fear in the world. I grabbed the close pair of shoes could find and a sweatshirt and ran out the door as fast as I could. I wanted to get to the park before Daniel left. As I raced into the center of the park I saw Daniel sit on a bench next to the fountain. I made eye contact with Daniel was I walked over to him. he stood up and started to say “I’m so glad you came. I’m sorry if I did anything to hurt you.”
Before he was finished I cut him off and told him what really happen “After our date when you went to kiss me I started to panic because no date I have ever been on has gone as well as did ours and it really scared me.”
Daniel completely understood and he understood that I have not had good luck with guys and always end up getting hurt. I told him the quote my mom used to say. Then explained that its hard for me to falling in love and not care about the harshness from falling in love I told him “That's why I freaked when you tried to kiss me, but now I realize that I want to be a fool, but a fool in love with you.”
As soon as those words came out of my mouth that feeling that I have been missing came back the same feeling that I used to get as a little girl thinking about falling in love and my wedding.
I knew that all of my guards we gone and were never coming back. All I wanted to do was to have this feeling stay when I was with Daniel, and always be a fool not matter what, because it is the best feeling.
