People often tell me to express myself, share what I think of people and things around me..
But are they ready to accept what I think and feel?
This question often pops up in my mind when I am asked to "Express myself". And I am left with two options of whether should I really express myself or should I not. Expressing myself would definitely lighten my mind and de-stress me, but then it hurts the person in front of me.
They do not expect this reaction out of me. They get hurt by me and furious by any reaction that negates their expectation. Its not what I think they would behave like if I express myself. It is what actually happens when I try to say what I feel. All my responses and reactions are judged upon and questioned if they don't suit them. And questioned to the extent, that at the end of the discussion I have to justify my reaction or expression and even apologize for upsetting them with it.
And, hence I find it better not to say anything and react as they want me to. But, now I feel burdened with my feelings. I want to let out everything. I am saturated, but I fear the reaction more. I want to cry out loud, but at a secret place where no one can, atleast they cannot see me. I want to run away, so that all of it ends.
