My first experience of love was too bad . It was like this, I kept telling her would you like to come for a juice and she denied. Then one day i told today is my birthday and i got chocolate for her ( my birthday which i celebrated in hope that i found a new after my break up with a girl friend who got married with someone and she left me abandon) well for her it was not important as she refused so innocently and for me i thought it will be my last birthday . I threw my chocolates and thought about her for four days. I met her again in facebook and i asked her do you love me and she told " i am a social person" then i told her sorry i was mad about you but now i will not love you. With that i closed my feeling for her.
But i started seeing someone and thought may be she is made for me. It so happened that i saw her and i took a decision that i will talk to her, Although she never wanted to. I tried once to go near but she suddenly disappeared. However i started playing guitar and then she liked it or may be people liked it or whatever but i really don't play so beautiful. I met her friend which i didn't know before, as they were not my friend but her friend. Today also i feel that all this drama made my life miserable and they wanted this way. It so happened that i went near her friend to ask " her to introduce me" but she denied.
Unexpectedly she came to me and i knew her friend told her. But i was apprehensive, common how can such a beautiful girl love me, who has a boyfriend.
But later she told she came here to study for her exam. I felt yes that is the correct reason how can she love me yaar. I don't even stand a chance.
One day she came and messaged me that she is leaving and going somewhere. I felt cool man she wants me to meet me who has so many follower , so many people who love her. I asked my friend should i propose her . He said dude its on you to decide. I was apprehensive.
Then she started talking about herself and about her boyfriend. She told they broke up and then i thought may be i should help her to get her boyfriend because i can never get her with my age . So i told her she is so cute how can someone leave her but she told that happens. I accepted it.
I followed her till the outside gate and she told " i am leaving from here". I told her please don't go from here . She told i will inform you where ever i will go.
He kept thinking may be she doesn't love him that's why she didn't reveal.
she told me i got a guitar which is broken and i was happy that i can help her to get it repaired but she never gave me a chance again.
I kept on messaging her but she was so adamant never replied me back .i told her 100 of times hi but the response never came.
Alright the new year came and I asked the first person who came to wish me. I asked him to say me "bad new year" because she left me . Though i am suffering everyday now a days didnot sleep from last 8-9 months properly, Psychomatic problems and also wrote that i am mentally ill.
I kept asking my sister "she doesn't love me right" and she told you are psycho. If she loved , she would have messaged you. Don't tell her how much you love because then she will use it the way she want. I felt no common she was so sweet " how can she do that with me"
Alright the story didn't end here. It so happened that her friends knew how much i loved her but they never told. They enjoyed but i was stupid. I only saw her facebook what she did today. did she keep her pic or did she find someone or how many friends she has. But never thought what is happening in her real life. Because i thought she got some new work and why will she like me .if she is liked by all.
But she was struggling in her life and i didnt know that . She left the project so she got pain as she was searching for new job . I was not aware of all this. if i knew i would have given her my job because i don't like my job.
Now her friends gave me some idea that she loved me and then i felt i should become like her may be then she will like me more. May be i should dance like her. May be i should play tennis. May be i should do my mba soon so that i will marry her. May be her dad will accept me. May be she forgot her boyfriend.
But whenever i saw her facebook , i felt no man she can never love me. So i couldn't concentrate on my work and then suddenly it so happened that i lost my job too.
I didn't know what bad things happened in her life after she left me . She also tried to commit suicide but i didn't know.
Trust me if i knew you loved me , I would have asked you that day to marry me.
So her friend thought lets take revenge from this guy . He made her suffer lets give him the pain . So i went through all, I tried to commit suicide, I tried to give a shot to quit my job, I tried to propose and i wanted her to ask her for the marraige but all failed.
God loves her more than me because she respect the god and i abuse him everyday . So i went through all.
I messaged her friend that i love her but her friends always say the same that she is not for you dude . she just cares you.
I felt bad that why this happened but may be unknowingly i made a mistake to love her. She will be my last love that i know . My story didn't end still because i have choosen to live alone, Although its difficult but i took this step. I am nervous that the day i will kill myself i will make my mom, dad also to feel that they are not proud of their son. I lost dignity too after all it was love i wanted more than anyone because she was so beautiful that i never let my eyes go from her.
Alright so this story wouldn't end here. I am weak , emasculated and people may call me with different name but i have learnt to enjoy pain and sarcasm and also fun.
Now she tells that i am her friend whom she care thats it. Anyways i want her to care for her because she deserves a beautiful life not because i love her but because she suffered alot from lot of wrong people she met and also her friend who she thinks are the best people in the world. Anyways i have no friend but i am happy now because if friends are those who enjoy the brutality of others , i am better with no friends.
And i want to send the message to her friend too that if the friends are those who enjoy giving pain to others i want no friends. I don't want her to be my friend also because my relationship for her was just to love her alot and alot and alot . May be i am coward that i never went to her because when she comes everything changes with my feelings. But i am not someone who think about her bad still because she is my girl and she will always remain. I love my life alone and hope the day she gets married atleast she will invite me in her marriage because i wish for her , i wish for her that she gets a person like her not a person who lost his dignity who lost his passion and who lost credibility. I love you . I expect that you will never think about me, never cry for me. Please abuse me, critisize me, if you do this i will love you, if you don't still i will love you.I want you to forget me because i made your life miserable , filled with tears and lot other things.
Yes i know few months were bad meeting a girl whom i wanted to love, I don't know how is she but i hate all her friends just because they enjoyed my brutality. I know i don't want to meet anyone of you.
I will ask her always that she deserves a best not me . I am not the best , I am not happy with myself how will i be able to keep you happy. Now i started talking to myself again and when you see me talking me in phone most of time you might expect that i might be talking to myself because if i talk to myself without a phone people will think i am mad.
I still remember i told her "do you know the meaning of soliloque" she told no i don't know . I told her i talk to myself and i am insane.
I want you to be always happy and trust me you will get the best and you deserve the best . If this love gave you pain, there will be one who will come to give you happy and i am sure he will be your dreamboy. I was never your boy girl because if i was, i am sure this all wouldn't have happened. But i know i told you as always i already got married with you few months before and you will be my wife. For me you are my god and i will love you not because you were cute because you can't go from my heart.
