When i was born i used to cry a lot, all the time. Said my mom.
but then she would use a bell, kind of a toy for kids which makes a jingle sound. then i would curiously look at it and listen to it and would stop crying.
i guess that must be the first distraction i had in life. then there were a lot of those.
to make me sleep.
to make me eat.
to make me smile.
to make me walk.
to make me shush.
to make me go to school.
the list would go on and on.
for an endless new things.
then i found something
to distract myself from being bored.
we call it hobbies.
i distracted myself with
playing cricket,
watching movies,
singing song,
dancing in the rain,
making friends.
then i joined college.
another distraction.
i met a girl .
it was the first time i got distracted by a person
then i got a job.
its been distracting me for a couple of months now.
in the mean time i thought about the purpose of life. all i can think about was distractions.
god was a distraction.
society who wanted me to be social and useful was a distraction.
the movies i watched ,
the drinks i enjoyed with my friends,
the treat i gave for my first salary ,
everything was and is a distraction.
so what is there in life other than these distractions?
other than me trying to be funny to see my friends laugh.
other than wearing new clothes to make myself look attractive.
other than having delicious food.
other than listening to music
other than watching my crush smile across the hall
other than doing my work and get paid.
there should be and must be
something which is hiding
behind all these distractions.
hiding behind her cute smile
hiding behind the monsoon rains
hiding behind the laughs of my colleagues
hiding behind the bike rides
hiding behind the tedious work
hiding behind all my pain
and all my regrets
and all my dreams
and all my efforts
there should be something these distractions are distracting me from.
i thought about it.
i isolated myself from every distraction i ever had.
the late night bike rides
the friendly fights
the happy reunion
the feverish world cup
the hot sun
the cold beers
the image became clearer and clearer
and then i saw it
the only thing that was left other than these distractions was
nothing
yes nothing
there was nothing to life
there was no meaning
i was born
i am living
i will die
is that all?
there should be something
to make some sense
i sensed a strange feeling
growing inside me
a sense of fear
fear of nothing
it was horrifying
all this time
all this suffering
all this working hard
all this hope
all this joy
all this waiting
and there was nothing
nothing more to life
but did i do something wrong?
did i made an error in calculation?
it wasn't just nothing
there was something
there was a dream for tomorrow
there was a smile of a girl i would wait all day to see
there was a child waiting for me to get back from work, waving at me
there was this mother's smile
there was a father's pride
there was this inexpressible feeling of a child holding your finger for the first time
there was the pain of loosing your dear ones
there was the regrets of things i should have done
there was the fear of failing
there was the joy of succeeding
either way, these were still a distraction.
and thats when i understood,
these are not just distractions .
this ,
all of this is me .
it defines me
and my whole life
and everything i will ever know
or feel.
it may mean nothing,
after all they are nothing
but distractions.
but its the only meaning i have got for this life.
and i care for it.
may be it is the purpose of our lives
to get distracted
and to be a distraction
and i am happy about it
for all the distractions i had in this life
and everything else to come ...
