Confessions of a dancer

I would start of this piece of writing with a question- am I allowed to call myself a dancer? Who do you call as a dancer? A person who is flexible, a person who has grace and is poised, a person who can win hearts with her/his moves that are in sync with the music? Um, NO. A dancer is someone who uses movements to express ideas and stories in performances. Well that's the answer Google provided me. I thought hard, for a long time, then I realized that dancers are just people who talk, people who talk with their soul, just like any musician and artist. (I know that is not a definition but for me a dancer is that)

I was insecure which is why I asked the question- Do I have the liberty to call myself a dancer? I mean, if I go by the definition I gave, I can sure as hell be one. But, if I look at the world's point of view I am just not a dancer. I am an ugly duckling just flapping her feathers pretending to dance beautifully.

I criticize myself relentlessly. I am not willing to put all my soul into dancing. I get tired. I get hungry. I get hurt. Dance is something that requires a person to put all her/his efforts and time and everything into it and get NOTHING back. That's right, a dancer gets nothing in return except for that one moment of elation when s/he feels like s/he is in another world with no rules, no judgement, and just happiness. I always wonder, am I willing to make sacrifices for dance, for that one moment of elation?

It really is a tough call. To attain perfection one really works their ass out. Dancers are prone to severe injuries that may obstruct them from dancing their whole lives. Talk about taking the soul out of a human being! Every individual who calls herself/himself a dancer knows how it feels when they can't dance.


Dance is synonymous to fun. But is it for dancers who want to take up dance as their career? Hell no! Such a person faces the major problem of competition. Ohkay, I do agree that in every field we face tough competition, but for a dancer who only wants to dance her/his whole life and does not know anything else except for dance, that person's life is a complete mess. A dancer's career options are very limited, either s/he can become an instructor or work in a dance troupe and do stage performances. Isn't that what every dancer wants? To dance in huge stage with an audience who have come to witness what they have to show to the world and that thunderous echo of clapping with a standing ovation and the audience screaming,"Encore".? Auditions, auditions, and auditions, that's the life of a dancer who wants to do stage performances or get signed by a television show or anything.


Oh don't even get me started about the "inversely proportional relationship" that dance and age share. Back aches, knee aches, increasing possibility of any damn chronic disease, osteoporosis, and what not. (Apologies dancers if I've missed out anything) I would say that musicians and artists are much more luckier. At least they can compose and paint in their old age. But what do dancers do? They fill their old age with replaying the memories of the golden days when they danced. Their soul would yearn for that one moment of elation again. It brought tears to my eyes as I wrote this.

I stopped dancing for almost a year. High school and all you know. I feel like someone has ripped of my heart and thrown it in the dustbin. I feel so dull without dancing. I even have stopped listening to music. I don't feel like doing the other things that I love. Its so weird. Does dance really have that power to control the other things in my life?

After analyzing each and every point, I ask myself- Do I really want to dance?
I say,"Hell yeah!"
Because the intensity of that one moment of elation is such that it surpasses all the cons of dancing. I don't care about getting injured, I don't care about growing old and not being able to dance, I don't care about the friggin' competition or making money. As long as I have dance, my life is a celebration, celebration of this beautiful gift called "life" that I am able to thank with my dancing.