First things first. What forced me to choose this as a subject for my blog post. A teary-eyed friend visiting me and declaring she is single again as her boyfriend has "dumped" (I don't like the word) her. Apparently, he "lost interest" in her and what ensued next was not hard to guess.She was devastated and herself lost interest in all things around her for some time till she decided to confide in me and get over it.
Now we sit at a cafe shop and i give her all the obvious advice and words of consolation a friend would give another - Time is the biggest healer included. But for some reason she can't stop crying. She narrates how she has this constant urge to text/call him, talk to him and get him back to her somehow but she also understands that it is not in her best interest so i let her speak and help her in her catharsis cause till that time i am sure she will get over it in few such meetings and venting out in front of me or other friends and of course being a young and attractive girl she'll meet many new people as the time progresses, howsoever dramatic she might be sounding presently.
But one particular statement during our conversation got me startled and thinking. She was recalling time spent with him and suddenly she says and i'll quote her " After two years of being together, i feel he always used me." Now break-ups are as common as the word common . But that conversation with my friend made me realize that for youth in India, break-ups are really a matter of self esteem. I felt that 24 year old girl might never be able to give other romantic alliances in her life as much confidence as she gave to this one. Just because she felt used at the end of this relationship, she'll make sure she ain't the one on the receiving end in the other relationships and god knows if the poor chap she might date next would feel the same if they somehow not end up together and the chain continues.
What is the solution then? and What causes thoughts of this kind to occupy the minds of people who broke-up recently or at any point of time in their life. I agree that any kind of romantic relationship, when it ends, leads to the feeling of emotional vacancy because you have invested a lot of time and like the way we want the other good moments in our life to be permanent , we absolutely would like to be forever and smiling in love. But when a relationship ends the feeling of being the one used, which i guess is very common, comes from a place of lack due to a misplaced sense of honor and commitment. When two people end a relationship, it is extremely unfair to view the events or moments spent in the relationship in the changed frame of mind because the very things that might look great compromises to a broken heart were gestures of dedication and commitment to a heart brimming with love.
Another significant fact that i have observed in case of most broken relationships around me is that for some reason people enjoy being the aggrieved party and laying the onus of a failed relationship to the other person. They derive a certain sadistic pleasure thinking themselves as the ones wronged. Not many people are ready to accept that they ended a dying relationship as it would portray them in a negative light not only to people around them but to their own selves and will leave them with a feeling of guilt for moving out of that relationship. The point i am trying to make is that it is absolutely alright to move out of a relationship when you get the feeling that it is not working however painful it might seem. When you are moving out of a relationship where both partners don't feel equals you are doing a favor to not only yourself but the other person too as love is the only feeling that makes all the other hardships in life worth bearing and when your love life is also something you have to make work then it is better to not have any.
Also, it is absolutely unfair to blame yourself or your ex for whatever happened when you were involved with each other because under whatever influence, you did exactly what you wanted to do at that point of time in your life. We should all learn to forgive and forget and not harbor any resentment at least for people who mattered to us at one point of time in our life.
