Pain and relief,
The world is surreal.
Excitement and voids,
I don't know how to feel.
My head is in control,
And reason wins the day.
Yet an angry tear hides,
And I'm quick to brush it away.
Questions lie unanswered,
Decisions remain unmade.
I focus on the colours,
Hoping the grey ones would fade.
So I look around,
For a distant sound.
I hear the words,
But I can't make them out.
I let the doubts
Wash over me,
I don't try to find
What I cannot see.
And yet sometimes
I let myself feel.
The burst of emotion
The wounds that don't heal.
Why can't I relive it all,
Or erase it when it began?
Why can't I have what I need,
When so many others can?
It makes me want to scream out loud,
Yet that would do no good.
For the first time I weigh what I want,
With what I know I should.
Punch me in the gut,
And spell it out for me.
I can bet I'll be here,
Not sure how to feel.
