BLOWJOBS AND GADGETS. The two things that can bring a man from depression to a much safer place. But they are not exclusive. A depressed man rich in gadgets but sexually deprived is still a sad soul. A sexually active guy with no toys to play with ends up playing with women’s hearts.
It seems a very naïve topic for you to be reading it. Right? You must be thinking where the hell is the writer going with this? If you are not then you must really reconsider the stuff you usually read. Coz I’m not going anywhere with this. There, you know my secret. You shouldn’t read ahead. But for some reason you want to and you are reading. Okay then, politely ask the critic side of your brain to shut up, and read further.
He could see his face in the mirror for a fraction of a second and then it would disappear. It happens again. And again, and again, and again. He tries to read his mind, trying to figure out what’s going on inside. What is he thinking? His hair covering his forehead is dripping sweat all over his eyes and cheeks. He keeps staring ahead with regular rhythmic intervals. Appear and disappear. Appear and disappear. In and out. In and out. He can’t. He is just unable to figure out his thoughts or the expression on his face. He’s got a feeling that something is not right. He was sure. Something didn’t feel right. He stopped moving the next time he saw his face in the mirror. He wanted to get a long clear look at himself. His body felt the sudden halt. He looked deep into his eyes, demanding an explanation from himself for putting him in such a loss of thoughts. He tried to concentrate, paying attention to everything around him. What could be wrong? Loud moaning sounds could be heard, slowly reducing in their intensity. What were moments back uninhibited grunts were steadily being controlled and were starting to sound more rehearsed now. As if she was suddenly conscious of her shameless expression of joy. Slowly, it stopped and was replaced by long breaths, the kind which is pleasing to the ear.
She opened her eyes almost subconsciously and felt the sting of the afternoon sunlight in her eyes. She tried again to open her eyes, this time very slowly. Through the tears and the gleaming sunlight, she saw him. She could see his protruding Adam’s apple which sported a fresh razor cut. His face, dripping in sweat, was shining in its right half. She thought of running her fingers through the face of the man she unfailingly adored. Then she saw his eyes! They bore an expression of an angry but confused man not at all trying to look away. Eyes looking right behind them both at the mirror in an unfazing stare. Eyebrows clenching and relaxing over and over again. She couldn’t quite figure out what it meant or what he was thinking. When did she ever! But she knew that it was the most honest expression she had seen in his eyes for months. She wanted to ask what was wrong but she felt like he was saying it. As if in that very moment, he was shouting it. Shouting what he felt. He was expressing himself in his own way which no one would really understand.
“baby..” she whispered softly. No reaction. Maybe he didn’t hear it, after all her lips were right under his chest. She cleared her throat and licked her lips. “ba.. by.. aaaaaaaahhhhhhh”
She screamed right into his ears as he brought his body closer to her in a rash movement. He was no longer inside her. She continued screaming for a few more seconds hoping to hear an apology for the hostility. Nothing. He pushed the bed with both his hands and was off it in a second. He went and stood at the window, unaffected by the peering summer sunlight. And then it happened. He started shouting. His back was to her. She was stunned and gave out a little shout of shock when he started to shout. He wasn’t particularly saying anything or even swearing. It was like a mindless noise emanating from his body which didn’t want to be stopped. Her hand went to her now half-open lips as she was being taken aback by this strange turn of events. But when were things not strange when she was with him! It was getting scary now. He was not stopping. It had been more than a few seconds. She was fully naked with all her clothes lying on the bathroom floor. She didn’t have anything to cover herself. The windows didn’t have any curtains and he was staring right out of it screaming his lungs out. She felt extremely vulnerable and wanted to stop him. But she was scared. He always scared the hell out of her. Not in an angry or possessive or abusive lover kind of a way. She knew this because she had experienced each of those kinds. She always sensed this extreme vulnerability inside him which petrified her. He wasn’t intimidating but what he felt inside was. To her, he was like a ticking bomb which will be ready to explode once it was messed with. Could this be it? Is he finally letting it out? Does he finally know the truth? The truth of his current existence. The reason for his misery and emptiness. Could he be mine now? Could he let go off his past? Have I finally been of some help to his turbulent mind? Could this all be over?
It was far from it.
And then it stopped. The sharp coarse scream had turned into a heavy grunt towards the end. His tonsils had given up. It couldn’t bear any more of it. He had shouted for over a minute in a single long stretch. He put his head down, breathing heavily, his heart racing up almost like it wanted to beat its way out his chest. He let go off his hand and fell onto the floor hurting his cojones in the process. The pain which would make any man howl in pain didn’t make a slight difference to his state of mind. Instead he sprang to his feet and left the room clenching his fists.
She was obviously at a loss of words. She thought of getting up and going up to him to console him or talk to him. But she was too numb to react. Minutes passed by, she didn’t move. A loud thud of the door jerked her back to reality. She got on her feet, legs still trembling from the sex and went towards the living room. She was walking dangerously off-balance. She sought the support of the wall next to her. She reached the living room and looked around. No sign of him. He was gone.
