Words barely survive one’s desire to share it with that one person who matter the most. I know it’s temporary. I always knew. But somehow amidst the darkest mist, a flower of joy had its bloom, without me noticing, without me caring for it. The world brings us with a lot of inevitable changes that may never last for long yet leaves its mark in as a memory, a fond and strong one indeed. She was one of them. For me she was no more than a stranger. As every stranger I had previously categorized by default, I had considered her to be a pretentious fool trying to show off her abilities, prove her superiority, her authority. That might as well be true, perhaps because I never spent enough time to rule that out of her image. Yet here I was, trying my best to keep up to her just to get a glimpse of her, to grab a hint of her attention, like an idiotic teenager. May be because there was something about her that I envied, her confidence, her open minded self or maybe even her tightly attached attitude to herself. All the things that I deeply desired in a man I desperately wanted to be she had it all. Maybe that is what made me admire her. By the time I realised what I was into, what I was doing, the shame and guilt slapped my face hard. Realising where it inevitably will lead me into, I could feel the demons within grin. I knew I was repeating the same mistakes again. Despite of all the things going within, I kept a straight face as if nothing happened. After all these years, I knew what to expect. Perhaps that had prepared me better. I didn’t flinch. Not even for a split second, for I already recognised my feelings for what it truly was, after all these years of being manipulated, being embarrassed by it, I barely cared about the pretty illusions of flowers in the dark truth. I knew the darkest mist is all there was to this world. And I already knew it was the only thing that mattered, The Truth. She may have been a part of just 24 hours of my life perhaps even less, yet she had left me with a push to pursue my dream again, to be a person I so desperately wanted to be. And just like that she vanished from my life leaving a trail of her in my memories deep.
