Dear diary,
Turning 19 tomorrow...and I am more than ever confused with life. I can't sleep tonight. I really want to devour books and write a lot diary but it seems like college killed the little inspiration and confidence I had. I think people like me, if at all they exist, I think will do better by self educating themselves rather than going to institutions and being bound by constraints and rules. I think I would have learned much more if I was all by myself. And seriously diary, college is so backward let me tell you an example from today:
My so called tutor was whiling away the class hour by briefing out some experiment shit for this semester and I was busy reading "life's what you make it" by preeti shenoy. I don't usually read Indian authors but I needed a change and the Ernest Hemingway poem on the first page really enticed me. I finished in a single sitting diary, it's a really good book though underrated. All the reviewers out there need to give this book some credit it's really better than the much over hyped and overrated Chetan Bhagat books. Okay, I can keep yapping about a book all day. I'll get to the point.
So she the tutor asked something like "where is protein?" I didn't care to answer it, but you know my nerdy friend was very eager and she was all : “dude answer that question ! Stop reading that book in class" and shit. I gave an immediate and monotonous answer ribosomes and returned
back to reading. The answer was too loud and the prof was like ribosomes are only "machinery in making protein" in my mind I was like “That is the dumbest line a qualified biologist can give! So, a major part of the ribosome is not made of protein then ? And isn't ribosome and endoplasmic reticulum mainly involved in protein synthesis ? Has nobody ever heard of transcription and translation of DNA ?????!!”
The right answer is DNA she said, as my friend answered correctly with the enthusiasm of a child.
Oh, so according to them only DNA has proteins! Wah re ! You guys are geniuses! The world owes you people a Nobel prize!
Even a 6th grader can answer that question with such a simple answer like DNA. But dude! This is college and not some primary school. The level should be of something more profound and professional not something retarded.
Yeah, that's what they all are -_- retards messing with my life. I came with delight to college about the knowledge I am going to gain, But many things like this really was a turn off for me. It's all about grades and placement and salary shit. It's a gamble for me to get good marks in any subject.
I get my lowest marks in English diary. In English ! Of all the subjects ! I wonder which educated idiot corrects my English paper all the time, "they probably only know the colloquial indianism filled English" my mom would say to console me.
I just want to flee to a more open place with no boundaries and narrow minds. I am so pissed off and frustrated with life diary, it's like my problems just spread and pile on top of one another. And you know what?
I have 100 problems and I can bet money can solve all of it ! Oh my life! it's such a cruel joke designed by god. He probably was like “I’ll give this fair baby some little brains and some little money, and the rest can be compensated with the inherent fair complexion in her genes, now isn't she lucky to have a lighter tone of skin than the other usual darker toned Indians!" yup, I can read you god!
And with the few little brains I have to scramble in this world with some money, now reduced to almost nothing thanks to my mom, dad and brother. There's nothing left for me and nobody to guide me or help me. I feel lost. Everything I try backfires.
It's okay...it was me who wanted travel the road less taken and I guess I have to pave a path for myself by scrambling more harder.
P.S: I decided to write some few words for myself on this eve. It was penned frantically with a myriad of emotions running through me. I often turn to writing when I am overwhelmed. I know no other way of expressing my problems plus, the reason I decided to post this was because, I know there times when people are driven to an edge and I want those people to know this:
Take the bull by the horns,
Ride beautifully like an eagle,
Soaring above the storms.
