In this short observation and study about respect, I want just to collect my thoughts, as in a later stage I would continue to add something.
First of all, respect has two directions and meanings: one is respect to my own self, another is respect to other people, and living creatures (not just people). In all cultures there are so many signs of respect, emphasized by the language, gestures, deeds. I want to observe not the theoretical aspects, but the practical. Humans are the only creatures who obviously show respect to others, so they have this quality not in vain. Animals could show love, affection, attachment, fear…but not respect. When it comes to such unique human quality we have to ask questions on it and look closely to it.
I. Self-respect: This is something we have to start with. If we don’t have self-respect, we can`t expect to feel it for others too. What does it mean? And how it appears in our life? On these questions I want to give answer. First of all, self-respect doesn’t come from the air, even not from the higher education, but from totally all: early child education, values, moral views, tolerance, understanding. It is mixture of all and can`t be connected with just one derection. That`s why if you ask someone what is self-respect, the answer will be different from your own. Generally respect is connected with nobility and honor. One child can have self-respect in very simple way, which is given to him by education from his parents and by the surrounding and home atmosphere. For example, in this early years it`s very important the child to be not just with healthy body (which we all care about!) but with healthy mind. Not many people care about mind of the child. He/ she shouldn`t experience aggression in any kind, fight, or disgrace. Very important for the child is to feel closeness and keep his self-esteem in good level, so he will be confident and calm about his knowledge. If the parents are aggressive or even abuse the child (in many ways, not just physically), we can expect the illness and thorn of that abuse will grow inside him. In many cases he won`t be able of self-respect anymore, as he will feel “guilty” for everything. From here he won`t have respect to others later in life (as it starts with his own parents). Here we won`t point out who is the root and reason for that. The child as a “product” of family and society cant be the reason, but later on he will start to be a reason. That`s how the seeds of non-respect and humiliation grow in society. Not by chance when we say “respect” we always next to it imagine the word “love”. They come together, and love is an universal key to human relations. If you love someone, you simply cant show him signs of disrespect or humiliation. (for someone, who would object, I`ll say, then it`s not love!). Whatever education of a child requires compromises in many ways, parents cant cross limits, and showing superiority and aggression means weakness, not strength. But here we talk about self-respect, even I think it`s first from the respect of others (and how our parents treat is in the early age) before we form the feeling to our own self. This is like a little seed, growing inside of us, and the role of society and family is of generator, then comes religion, and then comes our prepared mind to accept that. A child, who was more loved by his parents without to be spoiled, and without to be beaten, grows much more free and with high self-esteem. He wont be doubtful about himself and about life, about his decision for the future and his way. That`s way the early example and education inside family are as a stamp for the life of individual. And we do not see signs of self-respect or respect very often in everyday life, even at home, even in Television.
The first thing in self-respect is creating of good habits, which will remain. One of these habits is cleanness and personal hygiene. That means since little we should learn how without any help to wash ourselves, to brush teeth, to wash face, to wash hands, to put clothes on, to tie shoes. And just that? I don’t think so. Many times the modern parents, wanting to save time, but give more efforts, don’t show to the child the right way. So when child put on his clothes, he don’t look himself in the mirror, but in eye of his mother. He mostly wear clothes by choice of his mother (of course not always, and I`m thankful there are mothers who let their child to choose.) You are the leading force for the child, but a gentle one, not a superior, and remember the child is never your property or your slave! Many parents forget that, it leads to very wrong way of education and ill mind. I point out that due to the connection with self-respect and personal values. The child should see himself, brush his hair, and let him also to try ,if he is in proper age. When the child undress, let him not to throw his clothes everywhere, as its now so widely accepted, but teach him by showing how to fold his clothes in good way, and to put in cupboard. Without this lessons, even they cant e successful totally from beginning, but child wont be able to be organized and clean in the future. He will be used someone else always to follow him and collect his dispersed clothes. One more thing: Don`t order to the child, show him, advice him, and punish him in a proper way! Children hate orders, and please make relation with yourself. Would you do something if someone tells you “Go and do that now!” I think no. (in little cases yes, but that’s also kind of disrespect, even at work). Accept your child as a little individual, who should be respected. Never talk to him in bad way in front of others, children are sensitive for that, don`t slap him in front of others, that`s also humiliation, and don’t slap him on face at all. (from there comes the feeling of being slave and property). The child will be better punished by not giving him what he wants, and taking from him a favorite toy, or something he likes. Then he will understand better. Children are egoistic in this age and cant be otherwise. As they are discovering world, in the same time they are not free to run into it. That makes conflict inside their mind.
Continuing the topic of personal hygiene, a mature person if having self-respect wouldn`t let himself without brushing his teeth, washing his face, brushing his hair in the morning, and putting on clean clothes. Actually it may sound so simple and some people would laugh…so everyone does that. But no! You`ll be amazed how big number of people in society don’t think of that. For example they wake up with a cigarette, with a bottle of bear, and headache, with bad taste and bad mood. So where is the self-respect?
Next thing is about personal values. If you think you are no one, by example of your parents and society, you don`t know meaning of self-respect. You are valuable as human and you are unique, as everyone else. Never underestimate your value. A child can`t defend himself from beating of someone superior. But a grown person has this choice and should use it. Never allow any disrespect to you, no matter of which kind. It comes again from the family. Never allow being slapped by anyone, or abused by another way. (in another essay of mine I wrote about “Modern Slavery” and there I`ll show obviously that most of social problems come from different forms of slavery).
Personal values are grown seeds, watered by love and tolerance. First you should know your own value in the world, as well as value of life " for yourself and for life of others. Respect your own understanding and values and don’t sell them in cheap price! More about self-respect: in the outside level, respect your appearance (the way you dress shows much about you! No matter of the fashion and style, or colors, but matters to be clean and neat, principal of modesty is good, but we can`t apply it to western societies). The most important in the way you dress shows clearly what kind of person are you, and much about your values. But of course can`t be equal to your inside. As the body is the outer box of the soul and its our obligation to take care of it, keep it clean and healthy, the same way clothes are the cover of this “box” and we have to keep them clean and nice. You can`t expect from a woman, who looks very attractive and shows her leg and all parts of her body, to be very “respectful”, obviously she needs and seeks attention and looks of others (so she will receive them). And you can`t expect an elegant woman from in western style, to be not respectful, just if their knees are shown (because of the religious and moral cultural differences).
Now about another level of respect, the inner one. We should take care and respect what we say (our words), the way we say it (intonation and gesture), what we do (actions and deeds), the way we deal with others, the way we deal with ourselves. These are the basic things to observe. Lets go in details, and we`ll see all these things are transformed commandments of God in any religion. (from there moral views). 1. What we say is so important and our words are basis of all. We should speak the truth always, be very careful about your words. They are stones and bricks of your home. If you don`t speak truth and honest, your home is made of lies, and soon will fall apart.
2. The way we speak, our intonation is quite important for people we talk to. It shows much of our character and behavior. Don’t talk in rude and not respectful way to others, and you`ll see they will return the same to you! You can talk slowly or fast, but don`t have intonation of superior to another, and like proudly speaking. Be modest and kind in the way you talk. If someone say something you don`t agree with, the way you object will show your character. Don`t be impulsive in objection, don’t ever shout, scream, raise voice, talk in ecstatic way, and never offend the other in any way. That surely shows weakness. Say your opinion in clear and normal voice, bring your ideas and support them with facts, and most important don’t waste words without nothing! Don’t speak too much without to say anything, but go straight to the point and bring your argument, 1, 2, 3, without to make offence. If another person is stubborn and don`t agree, you`ll win more if you leave him so, and don`t continue to argue in meaningless way and endless circle. Usually such arguments are stupid and stubborn. You`ll insist on your ideas, he will insist on his and no one will want to appear “weak” while you both are. First thing: always listen carefully to what other says, and do not interrupt his talk! Let him talk and finish…if he don’t want to finish, give him a sign of any kind (for example with raising hand) that you want to talk now. Never talk too much! Say your point shortly as possible to let other to understand what you think. If he don’t think so, just say: ok, finally we are different, so we are friends! Or anything to show you don’t want to force your view on him. That s the wise way. Talk to other in the way of respect and tolerance, and you`ll receive the same.
Action and deeds are very important of showing respect to others. We cant “love” everyone, and that’s in the nature! But we can try to respect people, regardless of their social level, class, education, views, age, religion, ethnicity, culture, countries. That`s all together in modern society is called “prejudice”. Person who has all prejudice, can`t be self-respected. Shortly said : don`t judge others by their social level, education, views, age, religion, ethnicity….but judge by their words, intonation, gestures, and deeds. If this person is true or false? Is he real human? Judging other by what we mentioned above is just a “Vanity fair” and grows no other behavior, but masks and hypocrisy. Stay away from hypocrisy and people who have it, as well stay away from people who flatter you too much. From the rude people you can be saved by nature.
Now the way we deal with others, is what actually is know in society as “respect” and only that form. People are missing a huge part of all other stages of the “seed” and have expectation to have fruits? We`ll see how their fruits are spoiled finally, after nothing was applied in good way. How to show this “respect” to others? In very simple ways, forgotten long time ago…called etiquette. This are rules to behave between people of civilized society, to be observed from all, in order to achieve better understanding and peace. Why we don`t apply them now? I don’t have answer to this question, except that sadly the bigger part of humanity os going backwards in his evolution, and so called “devolution” appears. Lets see about what simple etiquette and rules: 1. Speak to elder person always in polite form, if exist in your language (no matter of you age and age of another, if you are obviously younger). 2. Show respect to elder person and old people by any kind of gesture and behavior (I`ll give one example: making place in a public transport, which now in my country almost no one observes. Why? Very easy to guess: when child is young, maybe 5 years old, and could stay on his feet, his parents wanting to “protect him” but never to educate him, let him to be sitting, while very old woman of maybe 88 years will be staying next to him on her feet! And that’s the practice of the masses. That’s so quite normal for these people, that even the old woman herself would free her place in order the little child (not a baby!) would sit down. Where is the logic? The children have much energy and they like to run and be active in this age, they have no problem to stay on their feet, except in extraordinary circumstances. The old woman is usually tired, and surely with illnesses, so she really take any chance to sit. But in society is opposite! So we create not flowers but “thorns” which drink the juice of our bad education and habits.) No matter how old you are, always give place, and help older people and elder then you, as well as pregnant woman. Example in my society are really countless. To not talk about total disrespect to women. Now and here, women are really neglected to the highest degree! They are shown some “respect” (but in my opinion its more “fear” only when they are pregnant obviously or with little baby. Babies are less and less and elder are so many! So no need to show them much respect, they will survive! Women in this society is subjected to many humiliations and abuses, even not directly. When woman of any age goes inside transport, men or little boys, teenagers and young people have totally no obligation to make place for her. That`s how women give nice way to the monsters. Yes, men are working, they are so tired from work, they are so ill…and women? They are coming from work, to go to be slaves at home and clean and take care of the same “husbands” who never leave their comfort position of sitting in the bus like a big snail. They are blind, closed in themselves, never care of other. Why you don’t look around yourself? Just to not see someone, for who you should stand! That`s so much effort for you and what about your own life! Women are treated in a bad way everywhere, to not talk about domestic violence, which shouldn’t be encouraged by the women themselves. I wish they have self-respect more, and refuse being victim in hands of wolfs and pigs. What we expect? Who take care really of children in this kind of society? Who teach them of respect? Sadly no one.
Other levels of self-respect and respect are so much higher for the people of “modern” society, that it`s hard to believe. But still they are such light-workers. You can show self-respect in so many ways, that I cant count all of them. As we said personal hygiene, cleanness, tidy and clean surrounding and home, clean relations with people (without aggression and with tolerance), taking care of others needs, choosing carefully your close friends and friends, choosing carefully your lover, and such important things as: the books you read, movies you watch, the food you eat, the way you dress, the things you read, the places where you go. All these things are factors of building our personality and factors for our personal growth. Take care of every step you make in any direction and have this personal values unchanged, so you will have self-respect. Don’t allow to feel suppressed, offended, treated in bad way or with aggression from others! So you`ll be happy and free. I said about choosing carefully your close people and friends. A proverb says: Show me your friends, and I`ll tell you what is your value.” That`s very true. Friends affect on us and we cant be with someone on different level than us, because he will usually make our level less. (because the “easiest way law” " is down and destruction, than up and building.) Have your good friends, who will respect you individuality and with who you can share all. What should you do in a case, when someone wants to be with you, but you are feeling suppressed, sad, not well treated, and not “in your waters”? First of all, say to this person honestly (if he can listen to you) what you feel, and if he make something bad ask him to change this. If this didn’t help and he continue the same way, there is no way out, than to say good bye and walk away. Never ever stay with such person, who cant make you feel happy and yourself. That`s my point and I think its correct. No social norms can make me accept that behavior. (About the work and business surrounding is the same, but mostly relations there are build on hypocrisy.)
Here I`ll finish the topic of respect and self-respect, even open to add new points to it! Happy if any of you can think about it and give his ideas.
30.09.014
