NOTE: This is only a work of fiction. Don’t call the police after reading this. :P
I could not take it any longer. I am asleep forever, to wake up in a whole new world, which is far away from the tough realities of this life. I know I think too much, but I couldn't help it. I knew, and everyone did, that I would end up this way.
I had a bad temper and I knew one day, I would lose everyone. All those people who are close to me would leave me. Who would want to stay with someone who ends up shouting on everything? Why would anyone stay with someone like me? Just to listen me yell, cry and shout at every 5 minutes? How could I see them departing away from me, and thus, I decided to go away myself. And this has a reason – I think too much. I think, I get stressed out and then blurt out all my stress in form of anger on anyone.
I know my family loved me. But they had irrelevant expectations. How could they expect so much from me? I know this was because my elder sister couldn't do too well in tenth boards and thus, they were after me. I was a good student, but not so good that I could score an A1 in all the exams right from class 9. Yes, this is what CBSE did. It has in fact increased the pressure and they say they did all this to decrease the burden. Just one B in an exam and then you never know what might have happened to your final CGPA. I was also afraid of feeling ashamed with an A2 in front of my parents. And besides all this, I actually wanted an A1, but after all these four tests I realised I had deteriorated like hell and didn't know the reason. But now I do. The reason I think too much. If I wouldn't, I would not even take all this so seriously.
I had a school, and some great friends, and their great problems. I was so closely attached to them that their problems gave ME nightmares. I would get troubled by their tensions. And fights at my home were another thing that I disliked. My parents and my sister never got along together. And moreover, my sister was going to disclose about her choice of husband really soon. The tension that it would create in the house would be horrifying. Thinking about it gave me Goosebumps. I preferred escaping all this rather than facing it all.
I thought too much and couldn't help it. Little problems seemed like big ones. I became too impatient.
Call me a coward? Yes I am. I have better things to do rather than live on this earth. A place with lots of tension. A day could not go happy. People say, there is something good in everything. And people also say that a day without laughter is a day wasted. I could not waste my life like this, without smiling even once. I don’t remember when I had a hearty laugh last time. Tell me, should I have survived while not able to handle things. It would have created wreckage. Living in ruins is not better than dying. I wish I could stop myself from thinking so much which created this stage for me. My will power is not so strong that I could survive with so much mess in my mind. And there was no way I could find to clean up. I dragged myself through this life for almost a year, but no, I am tired now. I am tired of thinking, searching troubles for myself, listening to people say – don’t think so much. I am tired of all this and this is the ultimate move that I am making. To whoever says don’t think much – I found this way to not to think.
