You know, I'm over and above the feeling of utter disgust and hatred- which is the common response elicited by majority population in our country on hearing reports such as those of the recent rape case that has hit the capital city of New Delhi. Such reports unfortunately are not common and it’s so sad that every new item just increases our tolerance level towards heinous crimes and we get habituated to it.
It all however momentarily makes us think about how it could have happened to any of our loved ones. It could have happened to me!
I have been through the phases of shock and disgust, anger and sorrow, fear and resistance... and now all I have to offer is pity. Pity towards not just the actual culprits but for the entire legal and socio-cultural system that is a hypocritical setup at the root of which lies the stringent norms of patriarchy.
The truth is that in our society the upbringing of men combined with a corrupt legal and administrative system makes is possible to shift the blame for almost every wrongdoing on the woman while the real culprits get away with it using muscle or money power. I am not saying that every man is a rapist or that every officer is corrupt, but yes, at large people do have an underlying chauvinist mentality and yes the system is inadequate in its policing as well as legal and judicial provisions because of which we get to hear reports like this, day after another. And who makes this system? It’s us!
The root of all restrictions imposed upon women and *guidelines* that are given to them is because somewhere the society has this skewed notion that men would be men and it is the women who have to take all possible measures in the world to avoid being assaulted. The blame is shifted upon the victim in a society that has double standards. And I pity the people for their narrow mindset.
I pity husbands who deny themselves a soul mate in their wives because they refuse to see their wives as being equal to them. I pity women who never get to see how beautiful they are because they always undervalue themselves in front of men who are supposedly valued more. I pity women who see themselves as being inferior to their husbands. I pity fathers who never let their children, especially daughters, maximize their potential because they are overly protective and extremely conscious of a society that lays down a quick judgment. I pity mothers who bring up their sons massaging their egos so they become lazy, arrogant asses when they get married. I pity mothers who can't love their daughters as they love their son. I pity sisters who take their brother's authority as given and never challenge it. I pity brothers who become chauvinist bastards in the name of 'protecting' their sisters. I pity boyfriends who hit their girlfriends. I pity girlfriends who take that violence and abuse from their boyfriends. I pity women who turn against their own gender and do the dirty work of the patriarch. I pity men who have inflated egos and turn on women for all that is wrong in their lives. I pity the society that finds pleasure in character assassination of any woman who dares to deviate. I pity the hypocrisy where the prostitute takes on all the filth and ire of the mainstream households while the men who avail these services aren't even questioned. I pity the young boys who have to turn to porn to learn about human sexual relationships. I pity the entire mindset behind the depiction of porn that is so derogatory to women. I pity the khaap panchayats who blame a lifeless pair of jeans for all the eve-teasing that women suffer. I pity the minister from Haryana who supported the statement that we must revisit the laws in the Mughal era and legitimize child marriage in order to avoid rape. I pity the grooms who are for sale against dowry. I pity the family that kills the girl inside the womb. I pity the family that kills the girl outside the womb. I pity the family that kills its own children and terms it 'honorable.'
Such is our intellect and such is our moral strength. I must have a lot to be sorry about and a lot to be ashamed of when I teach my own children about the culture and society they are brought into.
