Hello Mr Grief.
It has been exactly 6 months, 14 days and 3 hours since you paid me a visit and since then my pain has camped out at the pinnacle and my once happy life turned gory..
I have stroked you, kept you in the farthest and deepest corner of my heart, warmed by unshed tears veiled by fake smiles, obscured by contentedness as this mask threaten to slip away and my emotions mutiny..
I understand you deliver your lessons differently, you bring me down to my knees, set me on fire, watch me writhe in agony as you observe from distance with your face set hard, unimpressed and unmoving while I whimper, lament, and howl with twinge of watching blood of my dreams redden your hands and still you don’t falter nor is there any deliverance from this raw adversity…
You say I will be born in a new avatar, stronger faster, everything better but Mr Grief, have you ever known such undiluted throbbing that somehow, when relief wraps your senses eternities later, you are too dead to feel it, too scared to close your eyes and inhale it, too numb to roll it with your tongue, too sure that misery would be back again that you forget to appreciate the musky smell of happiness or you keep turning gaiety and exuberance of the situation in your hands to look for a chink of distress, a smudge of woe, a gash of melancholy..?
Mr Grief, I have been in so much agony, tell me, do you see any part of me left that would recognize delight when it rains after ages of drought? any remote cell of my being that would welcome glee with arms wide open instead of looking over my shoulder for the arch enemy, the wretchedness, with bleakness following at heels, madness beckoning yet still be eluded by slumber and sanity..?
Sire, would I live to smile again? Would I ever stop and smell the roses instead of being averted from thrones? Would I ever swim through oceans of unadulterated delusion, lose myself to reverie of imagination? Is there really a garden at the end of this twisted tunnel or would I wake up like Alice and realize that wonderland was all really just a whimsy…?
Your highness, would I live through this and realize you were just a hallucination, and wake up in the arms of my beloved and laugh with him in unison at my stupidity..?
Mr Grief, would you ever set me free…?
Sincerely,
The patiently waiting..
