I am obscure about my feelings towards you. You shun me and call me hard names. Your violent gaze shuts my mouth. Your precence petrifies me these days. I try to, but am unable to avoid you. I smoulder with indignation. I don't want to be locked up in a dungeon. I want to get out, see the world, and not serve you as a slave.
Despite everything you do to me, despite your annoying authority and rude disposition, there is something so unusual about ypu which makes you stand out. Your possessiveness lingers in every thing related to me. Your negatively over protective side irritates the hell out of me. I wonder sometimes, 'Why am I still puting up with you?' My heart gives me no answer. Maybe I want my strings to be controlled by you. Maybe I am afraid of falling once I stand up on my own two legs. My desire for freedom reduces when I am enveloped with these thoughts.
I, being used to your tortureous behaviour now find it banal when you ponder me with your genuine affection. You've kept me terrorized all these years in the fear of loosing me. I understand.
Initially, I thought I could change you. But it is me who has transformed now, from a zealous and vibrant woman to a monotonous and mundane woman. What troubles me is that, you'd ditch me someday. Someday, when you have satisfied your quench and would start finding me uninteresting. As each moment passes by, I realize that the day is drawing itself nearer and nearer. I am aghast at the sordid reality. If you stop accepting me, then nobody else would accept me either. I don't want to get rejected. I don't want to be a failure.
Is there anything in this whole wide world worth living for?
