Saswat's Diary

And today it completes an year of dad's demise. Had the rituals here in this new city, it was tough!
The so-called priest was such an asshole! Money-sucking-pimp!

It feels so tough at times to handle things. I mean....really hats off to all those working men who manage to handle their professional life as well as their personal life! Won't say anything about the working ladies, may be 'cause i don't even have the right vocab to express what i feel regarding them! Anything said will be sufficiently insufficient!

Its pouring here and i wish i could go out for a long walk in the cool air. Badly missing a friend...a good one..who could dare to understand the unsaid words and could kick the philosophical-me out of my mind!

Something is missing in life.....don't know what! But will find it out soon...hey! may be I'm missing a romantic affair :P

Read my bro's diary yesterday night... Never did I know that he had faced all this shit in his life! Never did I know that he was such a caring lover. I always saw a cool smile on his face...I don't remember seeing him dull or upset...never!

Well, leaving home today. Have planned a small get-together of school friends today at bhubaneswar. Will be reaching bangalore in a day. Mom will be shifting to b'lore next weekend. Life is going to be tough now on-wards. I have realized that we grow not with years but with responsibilities...the more responsibilities we take, the faster we grow.

Life is not just a dream. Life is real. It is a continuous struggle...struggle for existence, where Darwin's theory applies almost in every field of existence...survival of the fittest!
And all that we work for, all the pain we get, all the obstacles, the heart-breaks, all the emotions...all are meant just for this single thing - to be the fittest for survival !

At times, situations weaken my nerves. My head turns frozen. I feel so powerless. I feel as if life is all about suffering. I feel every other person is so happy and cheerful and I'm the only organism who is being over-burdened with pain n misery and all the bad things that can happen.
But then I believe, life is not yet done. I believe life is just and I'll have a time, a moment when I can look back and smile and feel proud at the efforts I have put to make my survival worthy. I believe that all my actions, will yield reactions. The effort and the tears I put, won't go waste for sure. It may seem tough now, but future is bright. This is a hope, ofcourse.
But then the very base of our life is "hope". Take away "hope" from someone's life and all he remains with is a passion-less, emotion-less, aimless, "life-less" being.

Well, life is all about moving on. Leaving the place where you had spent the first 2 decades of your life is not easy at all, trust me. But this is life. Period.

At times life turns so badly that we lose the very reason to live. After losing baba in May, i was completely devastated. Just as i was trying to settle down my emotions, I had my job to join, leaving my mom all alone here. So many mental turbulence... And finally when I am back home to take my mom to me, these bloody relatives behave as if we are their servants!
I don't have dad that noway means we lost our dignity. How I wish I could go n slap them right on their face and ask them to learn the very basic etiquette n manners before talking to us. I wish bro was here to handle things...but that guy is miles away...in Australia...trying hard to bring situations back to normal...

Well, life is all about moving on... Hope I get away from these shit-heads soon along with my mom..... Waiting for the better part of life to bring us cheers...


Someone please save my soul !

Life is all about incidents and accidents. We meet a few guys in the due journey who turn to be the closest n dearest in our lives. When I look back, I see a happier "me". I see a guy who is good... I see a good son...I see a good friend...a good lover and I see a good human. And then when I return to my present, I stink!
In the race of life, I have lost all my emotions. I have lost the concern I used to have for my own people. I have lost the innocence I used to have once and I am not at all happy for it!

But fortunately, I had met some of the nicest guys ever, long back in my journey of life. Although I had lost all contacts from them, still we have a mutual sense of intimacy for each other somewhere private in our heart. And believe me, talking to our old childhood friends is one of the best things that can happen to us! It makes me believe that life is not done yet. It gives me the hope that I still have some life left within me and that is all we require....a little of hope !

What a night it was! Awesome! Enjoyed every bit of it...I wish I happen to live my dreams some day...
it was a night of energy n passion n emotions as well...
Time to sleep now i guess...its already 4.30am n i need to go around 10am to finalize the flat deal!
Happy weekend :)

And finally confirmed a flat...2bhk...@15k/month... 10mins bus journey from office. Liked the location...
Don't know why feeling a bit low today...Feels as if I am losing myself....as if my maturity score is increasing...but I don't wanna grow up! Just like any other guy, I don't wanna have any responsibility now...wanna fly as a free bird...but...

At times it feels as if I am stone unnoticed...as if I'm a flying cloud...void of emotions...meant just to survive until the throbbing piece of meat in my left chest stops beating any further...
Is life all about this? I wonder. . .

Dhoom3 failed to impress me. Disappointed.

Life is all about struggling hard to reach the top...to prove your own self your ability.
May be I should not resign here. BRCM is a great company and not everyone gets an opportunity to start their career with a company like this. On the other hand, what I am leaving is a central govt job!
Security...no work pressure...ample time for family.
- No growth...career completely spoiled.

BRCM can turn my dreams to reality but I have to struggle real hard for that. On the other hand, need not struggle at all and live a peaceful life with govt job but have to sacrifice my dreams...

Someone please help me out! Oh almighty! strength is what I seek!

Time to go for a break-Dhoom3 !
Swinging from 1 decision to another...now thinking of resigning the job. HOME CALLING!
Life is all about making the right decisions at the right time...but how do I know which one is the right decision!!!

Leaving for home on 31st! Yo yo!
The worst part...will be celebrating the zero hour of the new year in train!
Anyways, happy that will be going home after so many months.
Time to feel alive !

Frustrated. Finally decided not to resign my current job. Bringing mom down to b'lore. Hope she will adjust here fine.
At times i feel so out of place here. Chasing life, people forget to live!
Wanna be loved...need a hug...badly!