Not so perfect...Greenheart's Diary

Hey there...
you may be far away and we may be unknown. But every time someone reads even a page of my diary, i feel so proud, that i am beyond anything.
Silly of me, but i am truly humbled that i can capture someone's mind for even the teeniest bit of second and draw them to my personal thoughts. You see, i want to share my feelings, i want to make friends and i believe that everyone's life is a great story. It is sometimes unappreciated, sometimes over-looked but in the mad race towards our destinations, we should also learn to connect and share.That's the only thing that matters and that is what i am learning to do.
So , you can call me greenheart and i want to talk to you. Please accept my friendly request.
Love you, whoever u are!

Hello..!!

First things first, i am sitting in d most boring computer lab at my institute, on a computer whose internet speed has been trying my patience for over an hour.

The reason i am alone is because i wanted 2 do some imp. work on computer and i just can't use very much of it at home...It gets weird when all my family members keep coming and standing over my shoulder, ki bacchi kya kar ri h...? As if mai already ekdum seedhi saadhi ni hu...Really yar!

So i m willing d time to pass until my next class.
In d meantime i want 2 tell u about a girl in who studies with me. Now plz don't get any ideas. She is perfectly normal in all respects. In fact hot and smart too. But d point is that she loves to tease me.Whenever we talk, she greets me with a Haaii Greeenheaart. That is, she stretches my name. Ok sab chalta h . Par i who must b the most self conscious person ever born on earth imeadiately gets silenced. I dream up what awesome, quick reply i would give her next tym but i never ge an lightening idea. YOU see i feel awkward in greeting her with the same degree of over-entusiasm.
God please loosen up my tounge. I am not a fan of centre-fresh toh meri zubaan par tala kyu lag jata h?

Its said that change is the only constant thing. But dealing with changes can be very unsettling.
How often it is that i dream everything to go on as it is...Nothing out of thw world but just okay. Me in college, studying, writing, reading..But if change is the essence of life than i am always afraid about what future's unbeknown paths will bring.
It would we very awkward to work in an office ,deal with real life situations and leave the cushioned ground of a student life.Mostly i am insecure about how i will deal with people. Because i tend to avoid all close contacts with anyone.I speak less and even lesser when i am confronted about it, which happens every so often.
And then i am have been a high scorer all my life. Not bright, beforeu get any ideas but simply better in academics. This has set up a certain image of me in everybody's eyes and hence the future will no doubt bring a lot of expectations...God please help me chart the path of life that u must have destined for me .Amen!

Hi there...My name is Greenheart. I want to talk to anyone who takes even a minute interest in what i write. Frankly, its because i want your frank opinion on whether everyone feels like me sometime or the other or am i very different from my peers.Please message me if you have time.

I love my parents a lot, and i know that everyone does. You must b thinking no big deal. True.
But i worry what my future would bring. I want to make them happy, but if i fail them, then what? They have always had very high hopes from me, like after 12th and all the entrance exams. But they were still happy with whatever i acheived,though i was not.
But failing them where it counts,failing 2 make my career productive,would be truely letting them down.Not only their but my own self-image seems to be tied with my results.
Life is really complicated.

Its tough when you are d gud in studies, and not very much in anything else. And by studies i only mean that u get d marks.
So what should b done...? try 2 get lesser marks..kuch jyada jyada hi ho jata h...?
Whenever i reflect this doubt keeps cropping up in my head.I am a voracious reader...i can read a 500 page novel in a day..but i know deep down that its only a medium of escaping the reality.
I want 2 write..then i'll b able 2 say i hav atleast one special talent, but whenever i pick up d pen, nothing strikes.
Life sucks, really!

I sometimes wish i had been like others...normal, vibrant and lively. I know everyone think of me as "dull", especially the opposite sex.
In college times, when its a fashion statement to have a boyfriend, i don't have a male friend. For that matter i don't even have any friend with whom i can freely talk. Period.
Its as if whenever a tricky situation arises, when u have to impress others by ur spontaneous response, i automatically lose my tongue.And then i make some weird comment, inviting others to laugh at me. Although its fun for them, something they unconsciously do and forget,their laughter keeps reverberating in my head the entire day.
Now u'll say i suffer from low confidence, i am too self-conscious and blah blah blah, but i don't see can actually i should do.
I am completely comfortable when i am alone, but i don't like it when others pity me for my lack of company.
Now if u think that i don't move in company of others, that i sit by the window seat all alone in class you are absolutely wrong. Its just that i never know what others expect me to say and my ears hurt from hearing that i don't speak much.

Souldn’t we all be naturally grateful for who we are, for what makes us, us? From personal experience, i can say that many people see introversion as something to be changed or fixed, or even as a curse! It’s a natural reaction to a society that places a higher value (at least on the surface) on extroverted behaviors.
Although i love the solitude,in moments of self doubt I am unable to share my feelings.So here's a diary to give a voice to my seldom expressed thoughts.