Fuzzy Brain's Diary

Usual day today. Argued with a friend or rather an aquaintance. I was told to be optimistic. Lol. How can one be after repeated failures. Not that the failures aren't of my own making. I always say that realization is half the solution. Then why is it I'm scared to believe in it.
Just the thought of failure shakes me. I'm not as emotional as I was before. But scared I still am. So many people are counting on me. People have started questioning now. I think that kind of adds to the pressure. But I revel under stress usually but what's wrong with me now????
Where is my drive to succeed. Even here I come to unwind and what I get is stories of lost love and other sorrow filled subjects. I guess others are un winding and venting too.
But it makes me depressed further. I guess maybe I should stay away more. But is this an excuse? Am I running scared? I don't know. What I do know is the thing that mattered most the soul purpose of my existence is lost somewhere. And I'm not the one to live purposelessly. So I better get down to doing what needs doing and leave the mundane. At least I shall try. Help me Allah g. I need it most now. I shall take what Your decision for me is. But at least leave me with the satisfaction of trying my best for it. Because you know I'm cheating on my efforts.

Read devdas' diary. Such an avid writer. I thought to myself why people share their diaries??? I could not bring myself to read someone's personal stuff.
And yet here I'm. I realized writing as I say is like venting. Better then screaming at someone. That leads to misunderstandings. Cuz people only see what they wish to.
Another thing I read in his diary (still embarrassed about reading his personal stuff) he cannot study cuZ this place is addictive. I too agree
I have to too