Drifter's Diary

Today.. all i need is my answers.
Answers which will return my freedom to breathe.

I am so sick of being lost, pushed around..
I wanna give it all up today.

Call me mad, arrogant, narcissist or whatever you like.
This is what I choose to be, Now.

I didn't wish for an easy life..
But this, this is crap. not easy, not tough. meaningless.

This is no poem for those who are looking for faultering patterns.
THIS IS MY LIFE! The life I am trying so hard to do something with.

They've left me no choice but to drift further apart..
If you find him, go tell him, he had no right to break my heart.

The Secret Agony.

You message your friends every three months
You say, I am fine, Life's Cool!'

You try so hard to believe it
You get a 'neutral'- 'GOOD!'

It bothers you. irritates your insides
You delete the conversation. At times even lose the number.

WHY?
You know they don't believe you
It hurts when you are the 'messed up', 'problem case'.

Giving me those encouraging smileys..
Yes, they are self obsessed. Even cheesy Idiots!
Oh! I don't need a friend like that

Thats what you tell yourself..
When the truth is, You are upset.
So upset, they don't understand your agony.

Left alone.
You decide to take a swig from daddy's collection.

Too scared, you return innumerable times
'he would come to know.', 'this is not what I do.'
'No. Not the solution.'

Then someday, you take the swig.
'Why am I not feelng guilty? DAMN!'

It happens too often..
You fear, 'I might get a bit too used to it.'


So??? You stop. But do you?
You cry at times and linger around the abandoned space.
someday.. You'll taste it again.

Message the friend next morning,
'I am fine, Life's Cool!'.